Comrade Rourougan's School Diary

free discussion School Diary
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Recording my school experiences, ideological struggles, and trying to keep a daily record (I also have the habit of keeping diaries), posting irregularly.

Some of these diaries are like memos and notebooks, with limited reference value.

No restoration of bourgeois ideology, continue the revolution, never surrender!

First, supplement the previous ones:

February 26

Study Marxist-Leninist-Maoist theory, participate in production struggles and class struggles, to provide objective conditions for my shift to the proletariat. Currently, only able to learn theory as much as possible (read through the recommended must-reads, participate in reading clubs if possible).

Recently, I need to cancel evening self-study.

Next summer vacation, get a summer job. I need to persuade my parents. For now, I can only do household chores.

【Casual notes from the reading club (the notes are messy, I will omit reflections unless I have thoughts every day)】

February 27

【Casual notes from the reading club, quite a lot, I didn’t write my thoughts at the time, now I do】

The benefits of the reading club are significant. Previously influenced heavily by bourgeois historical views online, I really thought the Soviet-Finnish War was an invasion of Finland… It expanded my understanding of just and unjust wars—look at the social nature of both sides in the war. The Soviet Union’s advance into “East Poland” (which was originally Polish-annexed and repressed Western Ukraine and Western Belarus) was liberating these peoples (from the reactionary and decayed Polish government), allowing the people to democratically elect the Communist Party and establish Soviet governments, fully consistent with national self-determination…

Debated with Z and S (two trustworthy classmates mentioned in my self-introduction) about newspapers. I hope to at least reduce the newspaper to a small internal publication for our private communication—this also helps to conduct some genuine criticism and purge petty-bourgeois morals. What impact can publicly posted materials have? (Note: Saying this is “blind action” is giving ourselves too much credit; the publicly displayed newspapers do not explicitly oppose “revisionism,” only some leftist content, and their combativeness is often weak.) It often makes the backward petty-bourgeois in the class mock! (Note: Z and S say that these superficial contents can also attract some classmates to find us, but my view during debates is: those with the potential to change worldviews are a minority—especially in Beijing, rather than wasting effort attracting revisionists’ attention, it’s better to develop some classmates one-on-one in private.)

We will have a good talk with them after school.

February 28

Homework is not done yet, but school starts tomorrow. Still have to cope.

【Reading club】

The example of Wang Ming should serve as a warning to me!

Is the act of blindly running a newspaper just like my and Z’s self-justification of “doing something as much as possible” and “guiding petty-bourgeois”? Is there a desire to show off?

Yes, and many. We petty-bourgeois would rather decorate our stagnation as some kind of “revolutionary act,” thus maintaining a long-term attitude of leftist circles (note: nostalgic for capitalist art), without truly doing anything. Showing off, which among petty-bourgeois can become a bragging topic.

This kind of compromise is a concession to capitalism—“Three young people stop at doing some harmless propaganda for revisionism! Haha! They will not become revolutionaries threatening me, but will be my running dogs!”

This kind of desire to show off can be exemplified by an incident—some classmates (note: they currently lack the internal conditions for transformation) created a leftist verification group, which was reported, and those involved were scrutinized by revisionists. When we discussed this, we did not feel wary of revisionists, but just laughed it off.

Under the leadership of Marxist-Leninist-Maoist principles and with criticism from many comrades on forums, I have initially recognized this issue: I have internal contradictions, and through effective self-criticism and actual actions, I am working to correct it. As in the example from “On Contradiction”: a egg, without suitable external temperature, cannot hatch; a stone, even in a suitable environment, cannot produce life.

So, do Z and S have such internal conditions? I believe they do, and I will try to guide them as well.

Today I read many comrades’ school diaries, and I thought about trying shorthand—though it’s costly to learn (since I am just coping with studies and not short of time), but it can prevent unnecessary leaks of forum information or personal safety issues.

Today, the US launched airstrikes on Iran, which shows that the fundamental contradiction among imperialist powers over dividing the world is irreconcilable. Imperialist wars are the eve of socialist revolution!

Fighting with pen
Fighting with pen1536×1024 242 KB

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You haven’t told everyone about their specific situations.

This thing is not very useful and also dangerous. If the newspaper is printed out and circulated to others, isn’t that dangerous?

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Let’s talk about it in the diary later. I’ll try to guide them to introduce themselves.

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Does this mean writing things on paper?

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I was worried that if my diary was seen, it might cause problems, so I used shorthand symbols that others couldn’t understand, which also improved efficiency. It’s just that it’s not very easy to learn.

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Actually, there’s no need to learn shorthand. You can do it like this: at school, create a brief outline of a diary using abbreviations, symbols, and Chinese characters that only you can understand. Then, after returning home, expand on this outline to write a complete diary entry, post it on a forum, and then tear up the outline and flush it down the toilet. That’s how I used to do it at school.

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March 1

Afternoon return to school. Had a brief chat with Z, not very smooth. (Note: Regarding the “newspapers” being moved underground and scaled down to our small group for communication. Finally agreed to have a thorough discussion tomorrow noon.)

March 2

Went to school.

The politics class was full of nonsense. The so-called party’s original intention and mission are about people’s happiness, national unity, etc., but the entire book contains no socialism.

Debated with Z, made some progress. (Note: Mainly about striving to influence a small part of petty bourgeois who might change and ourselves not to stand still.)

The reading club discussed Xun Kuang and gained new insights. When the school of thought was teaching “Encouragement to Study,” they always defined Xun Kuang as a Confucian, and I used to think “this Confucian is more advanced than others,” but now I know he is a thorough Legalist, fighting against the reactionary Meng and Xun school, only maintaining the Confucian identity himself.

March 3

Did not have a serious discussion with Z. The story of the Legalist use of Wu Wei (non-action) in the reading club was very interesting, and I gained new understanding of Daoism.

Later, until the 8th, I didn’t record anything. In short, regarding the newspaper issue, we finally compromised a bit; Z published a new public issue, and I am working on a new small-scale exchange. Anyway, I won’t be writing articles in the public section anymore, trying to write some valuable articles without seeking publicity.

This week was very dull, nothing special, no petty bourgeois habits, but I also didn’t read seriously.

About Z and S: Some comrades previously asked for an introduction, but I feel there’s no need for one; they are pretty much like me, but still stuck in the petty bourgeois stage, unwilling to start transforming themselves, and I don’t really want to write a self-introduction. I try to persuade them, but after all, this mainly depends on their own transformation.

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What is this? Is it a newspaper you handled before? Can you explain it in detail? Also, what about the other few people?

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Actually, you can write your diary in more detail about your hot meat soup, so everyone can better understand you. Your writing is a bit too rough. You can include some of your thoughts and feelings, plans for the future and tomorrow, and various aspects of your life, including confusions and so on.

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Yes, it is the newspaper I handled before. This newspaper is not completely open to the public; initially it was underground, and later there was an opportunity to post on the bulletin board. Because at that time, my thoughts were still in the petty bourgeois left circle stage (which is still the case now, just considered to be beginning to change), and what I wrote were some popular science articles on history and theory, so it was impossible to have any propaganda against the Chinese revisionism.

My current understanding is: among these petty bourgeois, most do not have the conditions to be incited (this is not about whether they have studied Marxist theory or whether they recognize China as revisionist, but whether they are willing to change their petty bourgeois ideas, at least willing to actively and seriously understand these things), it is better to shift to a small-scale propaganda among the few students willing to change. Moreover, as the saying goes, “to forge iron, one must be strong oneself,” writing some deeper articles can also help improve one’s own thoughts.

Actually, “the other few people” are also classmates Z and S. My idea of “moving underground” is less about the newspaper and more about our small platform for exchanging articles, at most promoting one or two other classmates.

But Z and S still stick relatively to the original format, posting some of their reading notes and small editorials. This depends on them; after all, this newspaper was created by the few of us together, not something I decide what to do with arbitrarily.

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Uh, I still don’t quite understand. Why do you think those who are not chosen to do ideological work, or those who are chosen to do ideological work, write articles? Your explanation seems unclear.\n\n[quote="Comrade Re Rou Geng, post:10, topic:2527"]\nWriting some deeper articles is also good for improving one’s own thoughts.\n[/quote]\n\nI think this has nothing to do with improving ideological level, because practice is the source of understanding. I believe that the theoretical level of the newspaper you run is still there; it’s not like some people in the left circle who, after reading a little, start writing randomly. But it has never touched the essence, no critique within reform, no effort to expose the current situation and facts.\n\nI feel that Comrade Re Rou Geng seems to treat running a newspaper, or a few comrades, or doing propaganda work as their "private matter" or "private property." According to reason, if one truly wants to do Marxism, they should engage in ideological struggle, not just stay at the level of general knowledge dissemination, treating knowledge as if it were their own thing. Or they indulge in their small circle doing "ideological struggle." Instead, they should go into society, speak out their issues on forums, only then can they make progress.

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Why does Qian Ren 0 want to explicitly praise me? To make me a model, I feel I am not qualified. Can it be changed?

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My original understanding was the same as yours. But then something happened: in the class group chat, several students were sending each other mocking memes. I could not stand it, so I started blasting them in the group, saying they took pleasure in belittling others, their psychology was very perverse and twisted. But I didn’t hit the point, and most of it was venting emotions. Later, I realized the error: this not only failed to help solve the problem, but also fouled the atmosphere of the group chat. So I posted a self-criticism in the group. To my surprise, two classmates who participated in the meme battle also posted self-criticisms, and their attitudes were very sincere. This changed my understanding. Some petty-bourgeois students at the school are aware of self-revelation. This also creates the possibility of transformation. The key is whether we strictly demand of ourselves as CCP members (I did not do well in this); whether we pay attention to the lives of other students as we pay attention to our own; whether, because we learned a little Marxism-Leninism, we look down on other petty-bourgeois classmates.

In The Chinese Revolutionary Communist Party (Zhongwei Ge) it says clearly, “Develop and absorb the left, unite and transform the middle faction, isolate and strike the right.” What needs to be done is not only to absorb the most advanced among the students, but to do a lot more. If we don’t do this, they will think that communists (I do not yet have this qualification) are all like me, not attending classes, not doing homework, not talking to others, hiding in the bathroom reading Marxism-Leninism, crazy people. In this way, friends and allies will become fewer and fewer, enemies will grow, and the sacrifices of comrades will be greater. I have not done well in this either; I hardly speak in class. In the future I will communicate more with other students, care about their lives, and when necessary stand up to fight for them.

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Why use a newspaper for private communication instead of talking face-to-face? Also, how is your newspaper written, what is included, how do you communicate? It seems you haven’t explained this carefully either.

You can see how everyone previously criticized your handling of the newspaper. Z and S still want to do it, probably just to continue showing off and to be big officials. The newspaper is formalism, ostentatious and superficial; no matter how many articles you write, it can’t compare to genuinely changing your old life.

Why not just stop making the newspaper? Just clarify the reasoning with them; if they still want to do it, let them. Focus on doing some practical things, talk more with everyone, share life experiences, shed old habits, and change old ways of living. Read more books. This is more practical than writing newspapers and showing off.

There is a need for an introduction. We don’t know who they are, what kind of life they lead, or what their thoughts are. Also, Re Rou Geng himself should talk more about his own life, life at school, life at home, otherwise we don’t really understand your specific situation, only a rough idea. If there’s something to say, speak up more; staying silent isn’t good for your thoughts.

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Where is the owner of the building?

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上线每天。我看了同志们的评论，只是没有回复，都挺赞同的。学校日记每周末上传

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Why can school journals only be uploaded at the end of the week? Can we write and upload them daily? This would also make it easier to have timely interactions with everyone.

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I’ll do my best

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March 10

During school and while chatting with Z, he told me that their Chinese teacher (we are not in the same class) talked about some reactionary stuff in class again. He said: Why is Qin associated with Legalism, but Dong Zhongshu insists on Confucianism as the sole authority? Because China’s rulers throughout history have embodied “external law, internal Confucianism”: not only governing the people with laws but also governing them with morality… What a fallacy! These things are exactly the same as how the current Chenxiu uses Confucian ideas to control the people (the teacher also says these to brainwash us into worshiping Confucianism).

Even more incredible is that this teacher also said: the most unstable factor in today’s China’s development is Xi Jinping’s lifespan (he greatly admires Xi). Z told me this, and we both thought of Xi Jinping’s organ transplantation, which gave me a chilling and furious feeling. In this teacher’s view, for the sake of imperialist China’s strength, sacrificing the lives of the proletariat is nothing!

Under such bourgeois education, student groups are fed poisonous ideas, either heading toward exploitation and cowardice that dare not resist, or toward extravagance, exploiting the people and other nationalities.

But there is a change hidden in the students, a revolutionary hope.

As for me. How can I “transform” or “revolt”?

My recent life, although I have not practiced low-level pleasures or watched porn, I still read books and listen to study groups, but I feel that I have not truly taken the initiative to reform myself.

The problem is the lack of ideological struggle; even my own reflections are rare. Each day is the same as before, still the petty-bourgeois meaningless days, not enthusiastic about opportunistic study, but also not actively transforming myself, waking early, eating, attending classes, eating, attending classes, eating, sleeping, waking… This kind of petty-bourgeois life emptiness would not exist in revolutionary life.

How to make a change? Frankly communicate living conditions with comrades, seriously participate in study groups (take more notes!), and more importantly, reform my own life, breaking away from the petty-bourgeois life where I reach out for food and hands are always open.

Not undergoing a thorough reform of values and worldviews, not truly reforming my own life, merely quitting games is meaningless.

Revolution is not about becoming a monk. Freeing the mind from opiates and low-level pleasures is not asceticism, but fully understanding the true face of these things; freeing oneself from porn culture is not asceticism either, but fully recognizing that it is oppression of women and a helper of the patriarchal system within Chenxiu; writing some ideological texts is not a formality, not to pin a bunch of labels on oneself, but to help truly reform one’s thoughts. On the contrary, if one only quits games, porn, opportunistic study, and keeps the petty-bourgeois empty life, views women as tools, and harbors class-crossing fantasies, then such soil will be fertile ground for these reactionary habits to revive.

March 11

Bought a concise physical history of the ancient world, recently covered in history class.

In Chenxiu’s history, besides instilling some idealistic views of history and a lot of false history, it’s about politics and geography—giving some abstract knowledge for you to memorize, then exams to distinguish people. One should read more carefully, understand the materialist conception of history in those histories.

In Chinese class, there were performances of a play “The Thunderstorm” by other students. My feelings about the original text and the performance lie in the resentment toward Zhou Puran, this capitalist’s exploitation, and Lu Dahai’s strike being betrayed. But for some reason, the teacher glossed over this part, and the explanation focused on Zhou Puran and Shiyin’s “emotions.” He asked whether Zhou Puran had real feelings for Shiyin. His conclusion, drawn from Zhou Puran keeping Shiyin’s belongings and habits: Zhou Puran has feelings for Shiyin. However, although I have not read the full Thunderstorm, to me Zhou Puran’s treatment of Shiyin seems entirely one of exploitation, the object of a big capitalist’s manipulation. The teacher simply tacked on that such tragedies are caused by capitalism, as if Zhou Puran and Shiyin were once a beautiful love story, and Zhou Puran was a victim of capitalism. Comrades, is this a problem with the original Thunderstorm, or is Chenxiu education deliberately twisting it?

March 12

In politics class we discussed governing strictly, and the teacher extolled “anti-corruption efforts since the 18th Party Congress” — in other words, praising Xi. “Even high-ranking officers in the military (referring to Zhang Youxia) who mess up will be brought down…” This really resembles online rhetoric about Putin toppling Russian oligarchs. Xi is merely using the anti-corruption banner to purge the reforming party and concentrate power in his hands, reinforcing fascist rule. If truly anti-corruption is desired, he must first be removed (or, in other words, bureaucratic monopoly of the capitalist dictatorship).

Casually browsing forums, I saw a very reasonable argument:

I have long wanted not to go to university, to avoid being corrupted in bourgeois universities, and instead to train in a social university. Right now, at least in domestic chores I am learning to survive, and in the near future I will take a summer job. Even if I am not as capable as a real proletariat always in society, I will still rely on my family, but I will begin economic independence and learn to work. In the future I cannot slide to the bourgeois side, cannot parasitize the family or exploit the people, but must truly become a member of the proletariat.

March 13

Seeing the forum’s recent ideological struggles, seeing “Now China’s petty-bourgeois intellectuals are not that there is too much knowledge, but too little,” I reflect. My usual attitude toward reading articles is wrong, often simply completing daily tasks rather than reading with the intention to enrich my Marxist-Leninist-Maoist theory and understand history, which leads to ignorance.

March 14

Study groups are really good! My biggest takeaway is that socialist systems and the people under capitalism are radically different; under public ownership and private ownership, the people are worlds apart… Socialist workers know they are working for themselves and for other workers like themselves, for revolution and the homeland, and can invent things like the T-34; but under capitalism, technology is monopolized by patents and workers work for bosses; Soviet soldiers could defend socialist homeland and leave epics for the ages, while imperialist armies are filled with hierarchy and tyranny, the bourgeoisie pulls the proletariat onto the battlefield to consolidate its rule, invade other countries, and reap benefits—such armies cannot have combat effectiveness. Therefore, when Nazi Germany used blitzkrieg to invade the decayed, suppressing the Communist France, even though France had the world’s best army, there was no resistance in technology, command, or soldiers. When Nazi Germany confidently advanced into the Soviet Union, it was crushed by the combined strength of the military and people. So, when Nazi Germany invaded France, it did not have the strength to resist, yet when Germany attacked the Soviet Union, it was defeated by the people’s and army’s united power.

Final thoughts

Theoretical study must continue; next week I will, on the opportunity of my father’s business trip, participate in more (half at home) housework. Newspapers are no longer available. I now feel that previously I was secluded in a small circle of classmates, not exchanging with comrades who are more advanced than me, immersed in minor achievements.

Some comrades want me to talk about Z and S. There isn’t much to say; they are still deeply immersed in gaming, very similar to how I was before joining the forum. I think I may not be able to change them now, and as the saying goes, “to forge iron one must first strike oneself.” My current primary goal is to transform my own thoughts and life, but I will try to help them as much as possible.

As for their family background, I hardly know anything. I only know that Z’s family pressures him especially hard: they want him to go to university and “get a good job.” He had major conflicts with his parents around the time of junior high; once he wrote something for a newspaper and his parents opposed it, insisting that he focus on his studies. So he hatched a plan to run away from home, walking a long distance, and caused his parents to yield.

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This kind of life is in fact completely parasitic. Who can eat and stay warm without labor? Now it’s not only mid-level university students, high school and middle school students are actually living off the support of others, living in a well-fed, comfortable life; in their eyes there is not even a concept of labor. This kind of life has a very bad influence on thoughts. Comrade Hot Meat Soup has said there is no plan to go to university. Are you an adult now? Have you ever considered directly going out to work?

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