No, 16, still in first year of high school.
Will the host have time to come out and update this weekend?
Yes, there was indeed a commitment to update everyone daily, which I did not fulfill.
Has the lewd pleasure gone?
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Yes, I will mention it in the next reading diary.
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Last week’s situation
First, post last week’s diary content
March 17
At noon there was supposed to be a pseudo-Communist Youth League meeting. This was a conference organized by the Institute to recruit members for the pseudo-Communist Youth League. The normal procedure is to sing the group song (soft and fluffy, we are the sea of flowers in May), leaders’ various speeches, new member pledges, etc. The meeting started at 12:20, but we finished class at 12:00, so lunch was tight, and I had a classmate bring me food. When I was just about to go, I found that two classmates had skipped the meeting due to time, and I thought, “My goodness, why didn’t I think of that? I won’t go either.” The teacher recorded names; absences will be used to threaten us with something, but I’m eager to withdraw from this pseudo-Communist Youth League!
Just to criticize the opportunistic mindset I had when I joined. I joined in the first year of middle school, and at that time I was completely a little pink. It was because of bourgeois ideology wanting to climb up to oppress the people that I joined (since I belonged to an earlier cohort, joining was easy, just doing some formal work). This is not only bourgeois goading to lick up to the middle reform for progress, but also a logic that bourgeois interests take the lead.
I now recognize that China is revisionist, and I no longer engage in pseudo-Communist Youth League and opportunism in studies. Does this mean my opportunism of leading interests has disappeared? Quite the opposite! I lack productive struggle, I lack labor, and thus I lack the spirit of total dedication of the proletariat! My revolutionary opportunism still exists!
Ask myself, am I participating in revolution to liberate the laboring people, or to seek personal gain? Will I infiltrate the revolution when the revolutionary situation is good, and surrender and defect to the enemy when the situation is bad? I read books, isolate bourgeois low-grade tastes, in order to truly understand Marxism and transform worldview, or just to pretend? Am I willing to proletarianize?
The思想 of opportunistic revolution is absolutely not allowed to exist! I must rely on transforming the bourgeois lifestyle to eradicate it.
March 18
The math teacher scolded us for most of class. I found that these teachers all like to talk about AI. They say AI will replace you, so in the future people must have creativity that AI does not possess to stand in society, otherwise they will be replaced. They manufacture fear to force us to study, implement gatekeeping. This kind of claim is stupid; AI is only a tool, it summarizes what humans have already created and cannot create value, and AI increases productivity and will hasten the contradictions of capitalist society, accelerating the arrival of the proletarian revolution.
March 19
Math class was missed for not handing in homework, and after half the class stood there for a period.
Weekly summary
This week I was extremely slack every day. At first I just casually browsed videos when free, gradually evolving into spending most of the time after getting home watching short videos. Not only did I fail to update the diary daily as promised, but I even skipped the reading group, listening only to complete assignments.
This is my bourgeois old lifestyle: economic parasitism, spiritual emptiness, relying on spiritual opium to waste time. Browsing short videos is not an isolated bad habit, but a deeply rooted part of bourgeois life.
To practice and reform the old life, from now on to achieve
- Post diaries daily. Posting the diary is how I make my life state publicly supervised, and I will keep notes from the reading group every day
- Keep washing dishes every day, increase household chores
- Continue to ban games, watching porn, and other spiritual opiates, especially stop browsing short videos. Occupy these spaces with proletarian culture. I will watch the Association’s YouTube channel’s films gradually, then read some of Kobayashi Takao’s works
- Continue reading theory. Currently, the concise History of World History, ancient part, has just been finished
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March 24
Last Friday and yesterday, Z’s class was “suddenly raided” by the grade director, and 8 electronic devices were confiscated. It is estimated that a variety of reprimands will be reported. Today during self-study, we were suddenly subjected to an exam as well. But we are already used to it.
Recently I heard from a classmate about a not very reliable rumor, claiming that the arrest of Aunt Mei (likely false) was to cover up an assassination related to the 3.15 evening party. What he said is fantastical, I searched abroad and couldn’t find it; it isn’t very credible. But this tactic is indeed a common trick of the Central Reform (Zhongxiu). Whenever news emerges that could threaten its rule, they fabricate other news to cover it up (such as some celebrity’s fall from grace).
Bought the Modern History of the World – Simplified, recently we often read it in class. Life is normal.
While I was writing this, breaking news: Zhang Xuefeng is dead. This big capitalist, the chief culprit of Central Reform education, only lived to 41.
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March 25
Nothing major today. Living conditions are normal.
In politics class, the teacher talked about “the people’s democratic dictatorship,” saying that the ruling class in our country is the “people,” and the dictatorship targets “opposition elements.” May I ask which class the “people” belong to? The people’s entrepreneurs? The Reformers rely on the term “people’s democratic dictatorship” to cover for the dictatorship of the proletariat, to retreat to a bureaucrat–monopolist bourgeois dictatorship. I found this politics teacher quite lacking in common sense—once in class she said after the French Revolution France established a constitutional monarchy, and in this class she said the emblem’s “red collar” represents workers (on the PPT the arrow for “workers’ class” actually pointed toward the emblem’s gear, but looked like it pointed to the red cloth of the curtain, so she spoke nonsense in front of the PPT).
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My original understanding was the same as yours. But then something happened: in the class group chat, a few students were sending each other prank memes. I really couldn’t stand it, so I began blasting them in the group, saying they take pleasure in belittling others and are psychologically perverted and twisted. But I didn’t hit the point, and most of it was venting. Later, I realized the error: this not only fails to solve the problem, but also makes the group chat atmosphere stink. So I posted a self-criticism in the group. To my surprise, two students who had participated in the meme war also posted self-criticism, and with sincere attitudes. This changed my understanding. Some liberal classmates at school do have a consciousness of self-disclosure. This also creates a possibility for reform. The key is whether we, as Communist Party members, strictly demand ourselves (I didn’t do well on this); whether we care about other classmates’ lives as much as our own; whether we don’t look down on other liberal classmates just because we learned a bit of Marxism–Leninism.
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Comrade Magpie has a point. At that time, many surrounding classmates were somewhat “fun-seekers,” Z and S were clinging to liberal opium, and I began to think they could not be united, and recently I’ve become a bit not fond of communicating with them, a bit paranoid and isolating. But before my reform, weren’t I also a “fun-seeker,” clinging to liberal opium? Most classmates have the possibility of absorption and unity (except for a few truly princely offspring of officials and capitalists). I did not carry the spirit of a Communist Party member; when encountering classmates with “less progress than me” in thought, I wouldn’t keep communicating to win them over, but would ignore them. Yet in the class circle I still get along fairly well with everyone; in the future I must engage more with others.
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Comrade Xiqiao speaks sensibly. At that time, many of my classmates around me were “fun people,” Z and S were clutching onto liberal opium, and I started to think they could not be united, and recently I’ve become somewhat reluctant to interact with them, a bit paranoid and isolated. However, before my reform, wasn’t I also a “fun person,” clinging to liberal opium? Most classmates have the possibility of absorption and unity (except for a few genuinely official-capitalist offspring). I didn’t uphold the spirit of a Communist Party member; when I met a classmate whose thoughts were “not as progressive as mine,” I didn’t keep communicating to persuade them, but ignored them. Yet I still maintain decent relationships within the class circle; in the future I must interact more with others.
We all have hopeful paths for reform, with more exchanges and care for classmates’ lives, and standing up to fight for them when necessary.
Xiangque Comrade’s point is reasonable.
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March 26
Today nothing major happened. Life is normal.
Today in math class I was kept after for not handing in homework, so I was tired and sleepy. For the upcoming exam in the next class, I ended up falling asleep during one lesson.
I feel that my communication and influence with the people around me are too “shallow.” Before I used to talk with them about Chinese society and current events, and many of them know that China is revisionist (not entirely due to me). In the future I should talk with them about more “deep” topics, such as otaku culture, changing the old petit-bourgeois way of life, or even about giving up opportunistic academic paths. Discussing these will inevitably lead to disagreements (likely especially about porn culture), but more important. However, I shouldn’t push it too fast.
Also, I saw someone at People’s Square saying that WeChat can monitor phone data as well—is this true? I don’t have the financial means to buy a separate phone for living arrangements and forums. Are there any solutions (I’m currently using an old iPhone 8 discarded by my parents)?
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You could try to use some “legitimate” means to ask your adoptive parents for money, for example telling them you’re going out with classmates this weekend, or that you need to buy some study materials, using that as a reason to get money from your adoptive parents.
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Yes. Phones and computers are treated the same; these files will be sent to Tencent’s data center, and once debugging and data are抓 signatures—since WeChat is basically实名ized anyway—
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There is also the channel of red envelopes (lucky money); I’m not sure if parents of Hot Meat Soup (Re Rou Guo) will give red envelopes, and how much they would give. It seems like it would be fairly little.
You guessed it right: besides the two hundred yuan given by my parents, I have to hand over everything else to them. But I’m now thinking that perhaps I could persuade them to let me top up the cafeteria meal card when I’m paying, so I can save up some money.
Today’s diary is pushed to tomorrow. After the reading club today, I wrote another reply and I’m a bit tired. There is also one more thing today that I plan to explain properly tomorrow.
March 27
Today there was a small incident that made me a bit angry, but to explain this small matter clearly, I need to first talk about a major event that happened about half a year ago.
That time was just a normal drill. I and a few classmates went out to the team to use the bathroom (the playing field is downstairs). As soon as we entered the door, we bumped into the sports guard old Ninth who was watching there.
We said, “We really need to use the bathroom.” He said, “Not allowed now. Get out. You only use the bathroom during the drill, right?” I said, “We had classes recording for two periods, no time to use the bathroom, just finished class and hurried to the field…” He cut me off, repeating what he had said before: “…get out quickly!”
Because at that time I was a bit bourgeois in thinking, I didn’t understand how to deal with this cleverly oppressive gatekeeping struggle, also because I really needed to go urgently, I raised my voice to try to drown out the old Ninth and continued to explain. It was like “We don’t have time to use the bathroom!” “I don’t care about that, don’t explain to me!” The exchanges grew louder.
The two classmates who were with me to the bathroom at the time pulled me aside and said, “Forget it, forget it,” and I followed them to leave. At the door, just as we were about to go out, I muttered softly “sb,” not expecting him to hear. He flew into a rage, shouting at me, “Come back!” I quickly ran back to the team.
Then he walked to the podium, grabbed the microphone, and shouted for the drill team (more than twenty classes across two grades) to stop, and then said, “Call Director X, we have a student who publicly insulted me.” He quickly identified which class I was in and singled out our class in front of the podium.
On the podium, with the microphone, he said to me: “Do you know what your consequences are?” I shouted at the podium, “What did I do?!” “You don’t respect me… because of you, the whole grade has to wait.” “I did what I did, I take responsibility for it, why do you bring our class into this?!”
“Calm down and talk to me.” His disdainful smile at the time, I still remember clearly. “Come… come out.”
Then the head of the sports Ninths, and the head of the group, and a high-pitched, yappy little girl-like lady Ninth would berate in turn. He (whom our class later called the “toilet gatekeeper”) said things like “You know very well what you did.” “What did I do?” I still yelled loudly, “You insulted the teacher, you should be punished! Do you know what punishment is?” “What evidence do you have?!” “You and I both know!” … After several minutes of insults, the head started, insulted for several minutes, then the “yappy” girl came in. At this point I stopped arguing and thought: “End it quickly.” The yappy girl yelled: “Are you a League member?! If you are a League member, you should have some League member bearing! You call so many people in the school to wait for you, aren’t you ashamed… Stand properly, head upright! League members should set an example, what kind of head are you leading? Why don’t you resign from the League? (I wish I would)” In short, she insulted for a long time, she talked nonstop, the drill team started running again as she began, and only stopped when the drill ended.
Then a normal PE teacher interrupted her and asked me what happened. I asked for a more calming approach to first use the bathroom, and after I finished, the “toilet gatekeeper” had already brought two grade-level directors.
So I followed these two directors to the Education Office. A large group of classmates who had finished drill gathered to watch me with concern, some mixed in with the crowd returning to the classroom followed me, and some even followed me upstairs. When the two grade directors brought me to the Education Office, seven classmates followed in “with great momentum,” according to the grade directors, closed doors behind us.
I was very grateful for them “holding my ground.”
The two directors shouted at me frantically before I could respond, and began pressuring those seven classmates, saying things like “This is originally a personal issue, originally easy to solve, but you seven entered and it escalated the matter! To be blunt, this is a disturbance! Riot!” He said a lot, but those seven classmates retorted one by one. They had rational and substantial arguments, “legal” reasoned disputes (they said they came to solve the problem and pointed out my act of “insulting the teacher” with no evidence, etc.). I guess the two grade directors were overwhelmed by their aura and could not speak.
The final result was that the incident was classified as a “misunderstanding.” I only needed to apologize to the “toilet gatekeeper” (but I didn’t apologize in the end) and I didn’t receive any punishment. However, during that time I had to write a long explanation of what happened and a reflection several times during the middle of the day, and argue with those directors in various ways.
At that time my thinking was not mature, and this whole conflict could have been avoided. Looking back now, this matter might barely be considered as a struggle of the petty bourgeoisie of students against the gatekeeping oppression of the bourgeoisie?
This story is too long; it happened over two days and made me feel very unfair, and the classmates were very concerned about it during those two days (because the drill was being recorded for the class on the “Commemoration of Liu Huo Zhen Jun,” I was nicknamed XXX Jun). After that, it just passed.
Today’s small incident is: a friend told me that in the cafeteria near the teachers-only area, he overheard the group of PE teachers chatting, and the “toilet gatekeeper” loudly shouted “I do what I do, I take responsibility…,” and that friend recognized from their tone that they were talking about this incident and imitating my tone, and the “toilet gatekeeper” said, “He looks at Mao Zedong’s Selected Works, and we become his class enemies, haha!” (Probably half a year ago there was a time when I freely took a break and he saw me reading Mao Zedong’s Selected Works). That friend spoke with some anger, and I felt angry when I heard it as well.
March 28
Today at the reading club, a comrade mentioned the use of incendiary bombs by the US Army in World War II, which reminded me of the previously addictive game kards, where there is a card named “Incendiary Bomb.” The atrocities of slaughtering Tokyo’s people to instill political fear have become a pale measurement of how much damage to enemy units… Aren’t there still many aspects of bourgeois historical viewpoint, weaponism, justification for killing people, and obscuring the Soviet Union’s historical role in this bourgeois game?
I plan to try writing a systematic critique of this game, for two reasons: first, I was addicted to this game for a long time; although I have now quit, the remaining poisonous thoughts still exist in my mind, and if these thoughts are not eradicated, I will never become a proletarian, never become a true revolutionary; second, Z and S are still playing this game, I have always only talked about how empty and decayed it is, and it hasn’t had much persuasive effect. If I hand them a detailed article to read, perhaps they will truly understand the reactionary aspects of this game.
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So dumb this guy
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What’s your relationship with these classmates?
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Not bad, some relationships are good, some are just nodding acquaintances.
“[quote="热肉羹同志, post:35, topic:2527"]\nI just thought of the previously addictive game kards, which has a card called “Burning Grenade.” Such atrocities of slaughtering Tokyo’s people to incite political fear have somehow become a pale measure of damage to enemy units… Isn’t there still plenty of this bourgeois historiography, weapon-centrism, justification of massacring the people, and smear of the Soviet historical role in this bourgeois game?\n[/quote]\n\n@huajige should also criticize this game”
Weekly Summary
This week was normal; the good thing is that I wash the dishes every day and don’t waste a lot of time scrolling on my phone.
There was actually a small danger this week: I usually play chess with classmates during lunch at school. That’s fine, but when I asked a classmate why he plays chess so well, he recommended a game called JJ Xiangqi. I initially thought, “Xiangqi isn’t a bourgeois game,” but when I was about to start playing, I remembered—that this isn’t rest with some lowbrow entertainment under the banner of relaxation!
Even during休息, we must not lose the fighting spirit. The harmonica is good, portable and easy to blow revolutionary songs.
Next week I plan to promote it more among classmates.
March 30
The Modern part of A Short History of the World has arrived; it’s noticeably thicker than the previous volume, and I will continue to study the theory earnestly.
Today there’s nothing much going on, just a headache all day.
I should put “not getting into a bourgeois academic institution” on the agenda, at least to start with some probing, to see my parents’ real attitude toward me not going to university. My parents love me as petty-bourgeois children, outwardly they say they respect my choices, but behind the scenes they do all sorts of research, basically hoping I will become successful. Maybe I can use this to get them to agree.
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