I’ve been reflecting a lot lately and also going through many issues, so I’m sharing here for everyone’s critique and guidance.
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What’s the problem?
It likely refers to the issue manifested by his argument with the screw two days ago, or to the problem of his indulgent life indicated by Firelight.
There is a long-standing issue about my views on love that I hadn’t realized for a long time, as well as struggles in real life, and of course I also want to talk about the “struggle/criticize” screws and about my collective living situation. In short, there are many problems, and I’m still writing. I plan to start a post first, if I don’t post now I’ll be left behind.
When will Ji Xuxi send out your question?
How is the continued writing going?
I have been inside the factory for some time, and I want to discuss a problem that has arisen here, namely interpersonal communication, and I hope comrades will take it as a warning.
I am a bankrupt petit bourgeois, myself immersed in broad masses with a petit-bourgeois mindset, gradually reforming my thoughts through interaction and working with the proletarians. This is the current situation.
The proletarians are my coworkers themselves, and they also have a tendency toward petit-bourgeoisie, but this tendency is not the same as my petit-bourgeois thoughts. Some coworkers have a strong petit-bourgeois tendency, some not so obvious. The situation is very complex.
But one phenomenon is: in my social circle, most people have relatively strong petit-bourgeois tendencies, or they themselves are workers’ nobles or technical workers’ nobles. I often interact with these people. This is most evident in that I frequently deal with newly arrived workers or temporary workers, and interact very little with the old workers.
I myself run a machine, and a technical worker noble came to teach me how to operate it. He is about nine years older than me, but we seem to have little generation gap, and the conversation goes well. Another person, let’s call him Old Li, has been here more than eight years, but in reality he is a person of the worker-noble class; he treats me warmly, often helping me with things, guiding me on operating the machine (though he is not a professional in my machine), because his machine is very close to mine, like a neighbor. These two people are the best relations I have.
Because they treat me “well” (though to this day I still don’t know why Old Li is so good), I, following pragmatism, developed an illusion that they are relatively active and enthusiastic people within the worker group.
This has led to me not having much contact with many old workers, thinking about my own “small circle” interests, effectively thinking that if something happens to me in the future, someone will help cover for me, to gain advantage, and feeling that I have found a “propaganda target.” At this point the collective interests of the petit-bourgeois group became centralized, until a certain incident occurred.
One day a worker A, who is also older, came to my place to learn. There were five of us in total: the group leader, me, the technical worker noble, Old Li, and A. After learning, the group leader told us to go wash our hands. I was left behind, waiting there; I found it very odd but didn’t think much of it. We passed by the factory canteen, left the factory area, and I thought we were going somewhere for some business. We walked until we reached a snack street, which I understood a bit, but I wasn’t sure. Until they asked whether I liked spicy or not, I became scared, my steps slowed. Old Li saw this and walked in front to prevent me from lagging behind, and finally we found a restaurant and sat down. I began to fear: why are we being treated to a meal? Why this! Is the acquaintance with some people really that shallow? What did the group leader mean by inviting us?
So I immediately reported to comrades on the forum; comrades there quickly advised me to leave. I hesitated, trapped by the petit-bourgeois mindset of always protecting one’s own little things, afraid of offending everyone, and unable to offer a credible excuse for declining. I knew my two-faced nature says: Little Ji rejects small groups. I made up my mind, deliberately asking whether anyone drank alcohol, making an excuse to go out to buy something. Old Li was still pulling me away, then to avoid ears and eyes. He quietly said: there will be many such banquets in the future. Then they discussed other matters, but I had already decided to pull away; once outside, I ran.
Later the technical worker noble said they were eating, and the group leader called to say, “Eat first, then go to work.” I walked along the road, thinking as I walked. I was furious!
This group leader, who takes a share separated from the capitalists, who takes the money that workers should have received, instead uses this to “banquet” us, to buy us over, making himself seem very “generous” and “friendly.” It is really cunning and despicable!
As for Old Li, although he has worked in the factory for several years, for many reasons (I am still investigating what the group is; I suspect it is about division of labor and his own issues), he runs two machines, but is in an air-conditioned room, and is only very proficient in technology, living in a single room. In reality, because he himself has problems (this is currently questionable), he was bought off by the capitalists, though he himself is not completely supportive of the exploitative system; even his mouth sounds more disgusted with capitalists than other workers, but in fact he is also a good ally of the capitalists.
This person sometimes has conflicts with workers (currently I see trivial matters, but I suspect this is the case), while at the same time he has conflicts with capitalists. This is very in line with what Comrade Fenghuo says in the Thought-Struggle Guide: the petit-bourgeois not only fights against capitalists but also fights against workers. But ultimately, he still acts in his own personal interest, seeming to be “good” to me, perhaps because he thinks I am naïve and so on, believing that I can be a “faithful” friend in the future.
To be honest, when I was taken to the restaurant and walked along the road with them, I was very confused, and thought, “I, as a junior, must pay for the meal.” Out of my own interest, I was also very “resistant,” but this resistance was actually selfish and self-serving. When I saw the group leader say, “What will you eat?” and then I felt relieved. It shows that my proletarianization is far from thorough; every time I encounter something, my first reaction is to think of my own interests, not the collective interest, not the mass interest.
Class struggle is not as I previously thought—that strikes, bleeding, and large-scale actions denote class struggle. In reality, class struggle is everywhere, in the air, ubiquitous. Sometimes even the apps I choose when shopping reflect my life style; class struggle is everywhere. Comrades, you must be vigilant. Do not repeat my mistake of underestimating and slighting others, which leads to unexpected consequences.
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Well, what exactly does this old Li still behave like? From your words I can’t make heads or tails of it at all; I don’t know what your relationship with him actually is, or how he colludes with capitalists, or what contradictions exist. Also in your self-criticism, you should talk more about how you think, why you like dealing with these people, whether you share common ideological ground with them, what reactionary aspects these similarities have, and so on.
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I am still investigating this person Lao Li, and there are only a few fragments pointing to my conclusion.
I still cannot articulate in detail and in an orderly manner why I ended up with them, or the reasons behind it, as I myself find it difficult to explain. In fact, even for this issue, I myself do not have a clear understanding.