During this period, I have once again become financially irresponsible, delaying the deadlines for repaying the money to St. Ku. Two months ago, I postponed for half a month by claiming that a black boss had deducted my salary, then again delayed for half a month by claiming a car accident, which means I haven’t repaid any money for a month already. With the end of the month approaching, it could deteriorate into two months of non-payment. The main responsibility for this matter lies with me; it is because I harmed others and pursued my own selfish, leisurely life that led to this. Originally, when my salary was being deducted by a ruthless boss, I should have fought with the boss while continuing to look for a new job to ensure living expenses. But at that time, while I happened to be doing odd jobs, I had a car accident. Relying on the layoff insurance system in the insurance, I successfully put my original job on layoff, so that before I fully recovered from the injury, I could still receive wages proportionally. So I conceived a wicked thought: since I could sit and get paid, I could do less work and rest at home to indulge in lust. Although I was internally conflicted, I continued to find a few short-term part-time jobs to do, planning to deceive the insurance company and the original company to keep earning a bit more, but in reality the desire to lie around and live a parasitic, hedonistic life had already become deeply rooted in my heart. As a result, my working hours in the past two months have become shorter and shorter, all caused by my own indulgent, chaotic lifestyle. At first, it was only the leg pain caused by the car accident, but later it became illness due to my poor living habits, so I used illness as an excuse to take leave from part-time work. This made my already half-time job, compared to formal employees, even shorter in actual hours, down to an average of only 2 to 3 hours per day. In this accelerated slide into degenerate life, all I care about is how to live comfortably, and I’ve completely pushed aside the idea of quickly repaying money to St. Ku. So I treated studying abroad and graduation as another condition to live even more comfortably. Because once I graduate, I won’t have the pressure of waking up early to go to school, I can sleep until late morning, and I can play late into the night as I like, sleeping until whatever time I want during the day, an extremely outrageous pig-like life. Since there was about half a month between graduation and officially starting work, I used the excuse of “just a bit later” to actually live my parasitic life even more wildly. This was essentially me becoming an even crazier deadbeat, living in a rented association-provided house, delaying repayment deadlines, while still resting and playing to my heart’s content. Committing such beastly acts is entirely my responsibility. In this kind of life I have become lazy in every aspect, throwing off all burdens, sleeping eight to nine hours a day like a baby, and feeling that I don’t sleep well enough. Then, living such a rotten life, my thoughts became even more frenzied, dedicating a lot of time to watching videos and playing games, embracing all pornographic, two-dimensional games, abstract memes, etc., and embracing the idea of harming others and exploiting others for blood-sucking. I began to masturbate frequently every few days, and searched for a large amount of porn content on the browser, even coming into contact with two-dimensional young-girl porn to satisfy my perverted sexual psychology, thinking two-dimensional young girls fit the bourgeois aesthetic of “white, slender, and young,” claiming they are easy to control and younger than me, completely ignoring the nakedly oppressive nature, willingly becoming a beast to please my sexual organs. In addition, I started to search for bourgeois video games to satisfy myself, and found the mobile game Arknights to play. At that time I thought this was a place that satisfied my two-dimensional pornographic fantasies while also satisfying my taste for tower defense, roguelike dungeons, and other bourgeois-suppressive ideologies. Thus, initially I only spent a lot of time looking up攻略 (strategy guides); later I began to疯狂刷相关的视频, bingeing related two-dimensional fan-made paraphernalia or various abstract to an unreadable extent to create a mental numbness, letting my mind be numbed in this way, without any more guilt about bloodsucking, debt, and being a deadbeat. I want to apologize to the union for these things, and in the future to change my parasitic life, repay the money owed to St. Ku as soon as possible, and not be a traitorous bloodsucking worm.
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