Think about it, I feel I still need to record my life situation and ideological struggles; this post will be updated irregularly.
Earlier:
When I talked with my sister about how bad the current middle school education is and how difficult life has become for the Chinese people since the reform and opening up, Mother Confucian said: “You can’t say that either, if it weren’t for the era’s red dividends, we wouldn’t be here.” I retorted: “We got here by exploiting those below us!” She said something that still makes me angry now: “There’s no way around it, who asked them to be useless? There’s no way, this world is a jungle where the strong prey on the weak.” Father Confucian also agreed: “Pity has its faults!” At that moment, I had already thought of ten thousand ways to retort them, but for some reason, my sister kept smiling, which made me very nervous and embarrassed, so I couldn’t say anything. But afterwards, they said they supported me. I just don’t understand why they were laughing? Does encountering such problems necessarily make me angry and then uncontrollably laugh? For example, when I went to Nanjing before, I couldn’t get tickets for the Nanjing Massacre Memorial Hall, and my father said something completely unreasonable: “Forget it, it’s not like they’re killing people for you to see!” I was very angry again, and then my sister started laughing, but I glared at them, and they stopped laughing.
February 4th
Just woke up in the morning, and I started reading the “Guide to Ideological Struggle.” After reading that article about the woman, I felt very inspired (although superficial, and I don’t know if it’s correct): It turns out women also had glorious eras. Looking at it this way, those online who talk about returning to matriarchal society don’t seem so rebellious anymore. They are not just whining without reason, but actually fighting back against oppression. But where did they go wrong? They went wrong because they looked backward. They need to look forward, toward a communist society! Women, unite! Overthrow this dark, cannibalistic society!
That afternoon, I was being taken to make-up classes all day. From 1:30 to 6:00, it was really exhausting. The moment I stepped out, it felt like I was released from prison. I also thought about that terrible middle school education system and cursed it a bit more in my heart. In English class, a guy who always pretends to be cool kept shouting nonsense. When the teacher asked if the questions were difficult, he said, “It’s okay, I feel like I can handle the college entrance exam questions comfortably.” The teacher said that the questions could be looked up in a dictionary but still recommended doing them blindly first; if there’s a word you don’t recognize, then look it up. He barked again: “If you don’t recognize a word, you’re doomed!” Before class ended, we had to do dictation. I was the first to hand in mine. He was behind me, jokingly saying, “Wow, so brave! If you get 10 wrong, just admit it!” He wasn’t new to this; he had seen me memorizing vocabulary (not really memorizing, just staring blankly because I didn’t know what to look at). Then he said, “Wow, so diligent!” because I hadn’t had time to memorize earlier and made many mistakes. He contemptuously said, “Tch, so many mistakes!” This kind of person takes what they learn in middle school education as something impressive! But what’s really inside? Everyone knows!
In the evening, I was reading “Introduction to Political Economy.” The beginning was fine, but when I reached the chapter on currency, my mind started to feel dizzy and sleepy. I couldn’t continue reading and turned it off. I feel like I am currently in a trough of ideological struggle, but I must not compromise with my petty bourgeois hedonistic ideas! Keep studying! Keep fighting ideologically!
There are fascist physics old nine at home saying that not wanting to go to school is princess syndrome, and also promoting honesty, etiquette, filial piety, and so on. Bah! The school’s problems are not mentioned at all, right? So disgusting!
Recently, I have been feeling a bit decadent over the past two days because my ideological struggle has slackened, and I haven’t been reading much anymore, which has led to the revival of bourgeois ideas. Anyway, let me first talk about what happened. (Yesterday, I was still calling for persistent ideological struggle, which is really ironic!)
2.5
In the morning, I was writing my diary for 2.4, nothing much to say, and in the afternoon, I don’t even remember what I was doing. During dinner in the evening, I continued to discuss with my sister about the oppression of women and the proletariat by the Chinese revisionist, as well as the essence of the monogamous system of private ownership, and then we discussed contemporary feminism, the differences in oppression between bourgeoisie against proletarian men and women, and so on. Overall, I felt that this day wasn’t too bad.
2.6
Today I got a VPN, but because I haven’t been criticizing pornographic thoughts recently, these thoughts began to counterattack and invade my brain. So, when I got the VPN, I instead thought of watching pornographic material. This was a stark contrast to yesterday’s promotion of feminist ideas, which is really ironic and disgusting! I spent a lot of time on this, which drained my energy. So, in the evening, I decided to make amends by reviewing the book club’s explanation of “The Private State,” which helped me understand more about women’s oppression and male chauvinist ideas.
Finally, what else should I say? I feel that it’s not that pornographic thoughts have revived, but that I haven’t eradicated them at all. My comrades asked me to think about their reactionary nature, but I didn’t do it. This is my big mistake. I underestimated it and didn’t realize how harmful it could be. In the past, I always had a weak and compromising attitude towards pornographic thoughts, always procrastinating or even thinking of giving up. But now I understand that it’s not that I lack the ability to eliminate them; it’s that I didn’t do it. How could I know if I didn’t do it?
What was your sister’s attitude, and how does this contradict watching pornographic material later?
Indeed contradictory
I’ll discuss their attitude tomorrow.
They didn’t actually express many opinions; most of them agreed with what I said, but there are some things they didn’t know about (for example, Zhongxiu posting pornographic content on Twitter), which also shocked them. Also, I feel that they tend to speak a bit loudly in public places.
Your parents are too reactionary. No ability, huh? What does it mean to have ability? Getting something without effort, exploiting others, parasitizing on the working people—does that mean you have ability? Oppressing others, riding on the heads of the people and acting arrogantly—does that mean you have ability? What does no ability mean? Relying on selling your sweat and blood to eat, creating the entire world with your own sweat and blood—the working class, the laboring people—are they called incapable? Look at the world, isn’t the land we cultivate ours? Isn’t the forest we plant ours? Isn’t every house we build ours? Isn’t every acre of crops irrigated with our blood and sweat? The food, housing, and clothing your parents have—are they not provided by the working people? Everything material in society—aren’t they all created by the laboring people? The working people have created their own glory, supported the entire society with their blood and sweat, yet they are ruthlessly trampled upon at the bottom of society by the bourgeoisie. What contribution have your parents made to this society? Your parents, the bourgeoisie, the exploiting class—they eat and live on the labor of the working people, and shamelessly slander them, calling them “incapable.” They also talk about the jungle where the strong prey on the weak, shamelessly promoting social Darwinism. Do the exploiting class have any innate superior genes? Are princes and generals of noble birth? Isn’t their reliance on the monopoly of the means of production and exploiting the laboring people, robbing surplus labor like bandits? Their children can afford to attend all kinds of fancy tutoring classes, interest classes, and even buy grades directly with money, inheriting their parents’ class status, while the proletariat’s children are ruthlessly deprived of even managing their own time by hired labor. This is what they call the “jungle where the strong prey on the weak”!
Additionally, one thing I forgot to mention the day before yesterday:
When brushing my teeth, my mom said that now, over at my hometown, marrying a wife costs at least 500,000. Haha, so it’s marriage, huh? I thought it was a slave auction! (It is!)
And I think I should write my diary on the same night to avoid forgetting, because my memory is so bad in daily life that I’ve already forgotten what major events happened yesterday! So I can only casually insert something that happened a few days ago: the physics teacher said the universe will heat up and become thermally dead, but wasn’t this already thoroughly criticized by my mentor Engels over a hundred years ago?
2.8
Today was even more tiring than last time, three classes a day, six hours total, felt like I was going to die. The math tutor also called me at 8:00 to give me extra lessons (because I changed places, it was an interruption), but originally I was going to do the extra lesson alone, yet the teacher invited others to listen again, and surprisingly, four people came, the most opportunistic one is definitely that one.
1:30 to 3:30, another math class, nothing particularly interesting happened, so I won’t elaborate.
But on the way from math class to English class, I forgot exactly what happened, maybe someone’s car blocked my mom’s car, or we almost hit something. My mom called him an sb (stupid bastard, this happens often), and she also said some people are just sb, just like studying! Damn it, is poor academic performance really sb? Where does this twisted logic come from!
After arriving at the English classroom, the dead poseur started barking again. As soon as I entered, he called my name in a lewd voice, I couldn’t be bothered with him. Then the English teacher asked me what class I was attending, I said math, and the poser started playing yin-yang: “You take so many math classes, you must be the top of the class!” This guy is shameless, proudly claiming he has offended all his classmates, and everyone doesn’t want to talk to him. Such things are even said out loud! Today, he was showing off his pathetic opportunistic grades, as if gaining one more opportunistic point would make him ten pounds heavier!
During today’s break, C and I discussed which platform is good for sharing sensitive content and forwarding sensitive materials, but many of his things on his phone are blocked by his super ultra reactionary Confucian parents. The system calls it: healthy use of the phone. How “healthy” can using a phone be? Not allowed to use browsers! What kind of thing is this! And the key is, his parents even installed cameras in his room! It’s truly disgusting! I think his parents don’t see him as a person at all, just a tool for opportunism, a product that can be increased in value. To prevent their money from slipping away, they use all kinds of reactionary and disgusting methods to control him! Is this family love? Not at all! Would lovers install cameras in each other’s rooms? No, this is just slave owners controlling slaves!
To sum up, although my mental state today is a bit better than the past few days, I still don’t feel like I’ve returned to my best condition, and I’m still reluctant to read books.
2.9
This morning I was in class again, nothing special happened
In the afternoon, I looked at some current events on the forum. I feel that class contradictions are intensifying, unfair trials, the insults and slanders of capitalists against the proletariat, and women suffering deep oppression under patriarchy. Everywhere reflects the powerless status of the exploited. But where there is oppression, there is resistance. I also saw mass resistance, such as the delivery workers stabbing the station master, the people of Pucheng rising up to oppose, speaking out for the bullied, the strike of truck drivers, and the oppressed students protesting against bourgeois opportunistic education. Everywhere demonstrates the great Chinese people’s spirit of daring to struggle. But I found that they all have a common problem: these resistance movements are mostly spontaneous, so? Most of them failed, and the few successes against the Chinese revisionist group are very minor. Therefore, to give the Chinese revisionists a hard punch, a proletarian party is needed. So everyone must unite and fight for revolution together, to overthrow opportunist organizations early and complete the party-building work. (But actually, I feel guilty when I say this, because I feel I haven’t fought for it, still living parasitically, and not thinking about change…) Also, I have a question: Was the February Revolution a spontaneous mass movement? If so, when China fights a world war in the future, with the entire country’s revolutionary enthusiasm high and the ruling foundation very weak, will there be another “February Revolution” and be overthrown? But I feel it’s unlikely, yet I haven’t figured out why it’s unlikely. I hope comrades can answer this question.
In the evening, I went for a walk with my mom and sister. I told my sister about the “slave auction” incident before, and she told my mom that now getting married is like becoming a slave. But my mom said that marriage is “both parties willing,” and if you don’t want to get married, then don’t.
(Not finished, was taken away to sleep)
The February Revolution was definitely not a spontaneous movement; it was an armed uprising developed from the workers’ strikes and demonstrations led by the Bolsheviks. Due to the class power dynamics, in some areas where petty-bourgeois forces were stronger, the leadership of the Soviets was usurped by Mensheviks and Social Revolutionaries, who handed over parts of the government to the bourgeoisie. This resulted in a situation where the Workers’ and Soldiers’ Soviets coexisted with the Provisional Government of the bourgeoisie.
Then why do some people say it’s a spontaneous movement?
“Someone” who is it? What do they say? You just say “some say it’s a spontaneous movement,” and then ask why. Isn’t that nonsense? There are all kinds of amateur scientists talking nonsense all over the world, but who knows what each amateur scientist is thinking.
Indeed, my statement was too imprecise.
Their reason was that “at that time, the leaders of the Bolshevik Party were either exiled or abroad, with only some members secretly active.”
But now I think the so-called spontaneity is untenable, because how could there be a strike involving tens of thousands of people if it were truly spontaneous among the masses?
【A Video Explains the October Revolution - Bilibili】 https://b23.tv/YCd7liJ
I remember this person said
The form of the Soviets that appeared during the October Revolution were all products of the 1905 revolution led by the Bolsheviks. Revolution is an action where one class overthrows the rule of another class, and it inevitably has certain goals, programs, and leadership organs; spontaneous revolution simply does not exist.
2.9 Addendum:
Willing? Are you joking? In a patriarchal society, you talk about both sides being willing? Willing to be slaves? What does it mean to not get married or not get married? Do you say this outwardly but think differently internally? If you don’t get married, won’t feudal parents pressure you to marry? And in a patriarchal society, can women really choose not to marry? (Maybe some individual cases) Is this really something they can decide?
2.10
Today I mainly read “Ancient Chinese History (Three Volumes)”, because I have a feeling that reading too much theory can be a bit dull, so I might as well start with some history (is this correct? Or am I just making excuses not to study theory?). I found that the struggle between landlords and slave owners runs throughout the Warring States, Qin, and Han dynasties. Influenced by Confucian historiography, I really thought that the burning of books and burying of scholars was extremely destructive, destroying “classics and famous works”. Emperor Qin Shi Huang was a bit too extreme! But I didn’t expect that the slave owners would also be able to restore power; I thought once the slave owners died out, they wouldn’t come back. But according to this absurd logic, capitalism wouldn’t have been able to revive in China either! So Qin Shi Huang’s decision at that time was correct; he was suppressing the residual forces of the slave-owning class. Also, influenced by Confucian historiography, I used to think Qin Shi Huang was a very stupid emperor, forcibly annexing the Six States despite their desire to restore independence, and then implementing reckless tyranny, causing chaos across the country. Hu Hai took the throne, and within nine months, the Daze Village uprising broke out—surely it was his fault! But the lower classes must have been on the side of the advanced classes (or were themselves the advanced classes); how could they serve those crazy exploiters, the slave owners? In the late Warring States period, weren’t all those who wanted to restore the states just the slave owners? Just like today’s Little Pinkies in China, most of them are petty bourgeois right-wingers, children of big capitalists, or outright bureaucratic capitalists. Is there really anyone who is truly proletarian? (Though perhaps a few isolated backward masses have been deceived, but can these people be called proletarians?) They are always shouting slogans like “Revive the Han ethnicity, Tokyo Massacre, our great motherland is truly great, thanks to reform and opening up, Long live Deng Xiaoping.” These parasites are probably afraid that the proletariat will rise up and overthrow their parasitic status, so they must stir public opinion fiercely! They must keep parasitizing! If they don’t, they’re doomed!
And then some self-criticism. I realize that my expressions in communication are too abstract; I often can’t explain things clearly, they are not specific at all, always throwing a word out casually for others to interpret. How can others understand your meaning this way? How can they help you? So I need to make sure to speak clearly. Also, I still have many bourgeois individualist ideas, most notably “Only I am revolutionary,” like when I exaggerated my role in describing my sister’s opposition to the Chinese revisionist stance, without emphasizing her own role in the decision. People have subjective initiative; the decision-making power is in their own hands, not dependent on one or two words from others.