The life I have had from last week until now has been quite decadent and reactionary, basically apart from participating in reading clubs, I have indulged in sensual pleasures, and my spirit is quite decadent. Recently, I read posts about Comrade Li Da on the forum, and I saw his deep reverence and gratitude towards Chairman Mao. Even nearing eighty, he still insists on writing the outline of Marxist philosophy, which makes me feel that some of my previous behaviors are simply insulting Marxism. In school, I watched “How Steel Is Made” and learned about the passionate contest to build socialism, which also made me very excited and motivated. I realize I need to change my state of mind and dedicate myself to revolutionary movement. Now, I plan to first reflect on my previous wrong attitudes and reactionary behaviors towards the revolution. After correcting my attitude, I will focus on studying theory. For theory study, I plan to start with Marxist philosophy, then move on to political economy, and finally read history books. But I feel there is a problem: my purpose of reading is for revolution, but if I completely revert to the old society, then my personal pleasures have no reason to read revolutionary books. Before reading, I must seriously consider what my attitude towards the revolution really is. Where will I go as a screw? When thinking about this, I feel I must fight according to the planned schedule to attend technical school, and to achieve this goal, I need to critically examine my remaining opportunistic mentality and desire for fame and profit. Since I need to engage in ideological struggle, I must participate in social labor to realize the four combinations proposed by the beacon fire. However, according to the law of the middle revision, only those who are sixteen or older can work part-time, and I am only fifteen now, which puts me in a very awkward situation. If I only look at the labor diaries of comrades on the forum, I still feel a sense of anger and injustice in my heart, and I sympathize with the people from a high moral ground. These days, I see delivery workers shuttling through the streets after school, and I feel as if I am not in the same world as them. I feel that my current life lacks a plan, and my indulgence is very wild (I will find time to honestly share my specific indulgent behaviors from last week until now). If I don’t participate in labor, I might easily be pulled into a life of sensual pleasure. I want to ask comrades for their opinions and suggestions on how to conduct ideological struggle under these conditions.
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Now, start by learning some independent living skills, mastering self-care, rather than being accustomed to occupying others’ labor. At the same time, you should gradually save money in preparation for living independently and working independently in the future. In school, you should also build good relationships with those oppressed classmates, communicate with them, and continue to fight against oppressive behaviors in school. Ultimately, Marxism is the science of the proletariat, aimed at eliminating all oppression and exploitation. One must stand on the side of the exploited class, on the side of the oppressed, to truly become a Marxist.
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