Some issues in my life

free discussion
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I have many problems in my life, and I also feel that some of them are a bit difficult to solve, so I am posting here for discussion. I am an international student, soon going abroad to attend an international high school and then college. My life is leisurely and indulgent. My parents (except my grandfather) are reactionaries. The current problems are:

  1. Playing games, although not much, on weekends I still get together with my friends and play online games like Battlefield V.
  2. Strict control, my parents do not allow me to engage in revolutionary activities. These reactionary elements are constantly monitoring my ideology and brainwashing me. I can’t read any books now; I can only attend online classes and do assignments in the background.
  3. School control, the school installed some software on my computer (every student has it), which prevents me from accessing some Marxist-Leninist-Maoist websites.
  4. Impatient temper, I have a very irritable temper, probably developed during my middle school years in Zhao Guo’s public schools. Back then, because I was wealthy and performed well academically, I was arrogant and had some followers. Plus, the heavy workload made my temper worse. It’s better now, but when I encounter people with incompatible ideologies, I lose my temper and curse uncontrollably. I also said some things when criticizing Wei Mingzi’s articles.
  5. Fantasizing, sometimes I fantasize about what I would do after a successful revolution, or unrealistic ideas like traveling back in time to become Wang Hongwen or rushing through Huairentang. Especially at night when I can’t sleep.

I hope comrades can give me some advice in the comments. If I have any ideas for improvement, I will update them in real-time. Thank you.

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Your reply was created below the first post, which can make it hard to see. It is recommended to use the ‘Reply to this topic’ feature to create a new post reply.

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Wait a moment, the system says I have posted too much similar content recently and won’t let me post anymore.

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Hello! I’m quite happy to see you start talking about your own issues, because from your posts on the forum a few days ago, I noticed that on one hand you often show a ruthless attitude towards others, while on the other hand you rarely talk about your own mistakes and problems.

Battling with your friends in Battlefield, I think it’s important to understand how this game glorifies imperialist wars under the guise of competition and entertainment. I used to play Battlefield, mainly Battlefield 1, which is set against the extremely bloody imperialist war of World War I. On one hand, it promotes some pacifist messages (and also promotes figures like Lawrence as British military adventurers), but on the other hand, its promotional videos romanticize the slaughter of proletariat soldiers in PVP, portraying it as interesting and fun. In actual gameplay, with grand and stirring music, bugle calls, etc., it depicts war as full of passion. This can also be seen in the DLC names, including the French Army DLC for Verdun, which was a slaughterhouse for the working people, yet the DLC is called “Defend to the Death,” loudly promoting chauvinism.

In Battlefield V, the propaganda and style are even more aggressively entertainment-oriented, mainly depicting battles between the Allied forces and fascists. Even though the Allies are fighting against fascism under imperialist interests, the game makes playing as Nazi soldiers or Japanese soldiers even more outrageous, promoting bourgeois violence and killing without regard for history or morality. The later Pacific War DLC further glamorizes the Japanese kamikaze attacks, such as soldiers sacrificing themselves to attack Allied tanks, reflecting the reactionary Bushido code under militarist Japan—treating soldiers as expendable weapons and inhumane tactics. In the game, these are exaggerated: after a kamikaze attack hits a tank, the player is just knocked back a few meters with a little health loss, which is a grotesque glorification.

You can also see that China, as a small nationalist country always threatening to kill all Japanese, is indifferent about playing as Japanese soldiers in the game, as long as it satisfies the desire for violence and killing. To make profits, the game even features a Japanese female soldier skin, with a promotional video showing her wielding a katana and slaughtering Americans. This essentially says: “Don’t worry about political right or wrong, don’t care about historical accuracy” (though these female characters are usually not created out of gender equality, but to satisfy small-bourgeois male players). The message is: killing is fun, even if it’s our ancestors. If there are still elderly Americans alive who fought in the Pacific War, seeing their grandchildren playing as Japanese female soldiers slaughtering their own people, laughing and counting kills with teammates on voice chat, they might be so angry they’d go see old comrades.

Since you play online with those friends, I think you also have social interactions in real life, like some people might be laughing at their classmates. Online gaming is just a part of this petty-bourgeois social life.

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The people I interact with in real life are basically my former public school classmates. They are not considered petty bourgeoisie; their thoughts are just ordinary little pinks (there’s one who can barely be considered left, limited to the periphery of the left circle, with little understanding of theory and history). My view of the game Battlefield is that it romanticizes the struggle between Western imperialism and Nazism, ignoring the anti-invasion and national resistance wars led by the Chinese people and the Soviet people under the leadership of the Communist Party. Its personal storylines also promote heroism, such as the Nordic Superman single-handedly completing the heavy water plant and the melodramatic plots involving German officers. Although it tells stories of soldiers from colonized lower classes, these soldiers still serve the colonial empire, not fighting against fascism. Furthermore, games like ‘Road of the Tiger’ romanticize Nazi invaders’ stubborn resistance. It also trivializes war by making it entertainment; most maps in Battlefield V, except for ‘Wasteland,’ are brightly lit and cannot really be considered battlefields. Its health bar mechanics, where soldiers can be shot multiple times without dying, and the ability to revive after death, ignore the brutality of war. I believe socialist shooting games should depict the wars between the proletariat and fascists or the bourgeoisie, such as the Great Patriotic War, the Anti-Japanese War, the Russian Civil War, the Civil War, and the Liberation War. DLC could include peasant uprisings as well. Players should only play as the righteous side, with no revivals, to truly reflect the brutality of the battlefield and promote peace.

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I think socialist games are very unlikely to have the shooter game format, as this format is firmly tied to its individual heroism content. But now is not the time to imagine future games.
By the way, if you can attend a reading club, is it feasible to read electronic books? Are online course times sufficient?

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Agreed, it’s best to cut off contact with these gaming buddies.

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On weekdays, online classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6:00 PM to 8:30 PM, which is enough time. Then on weekends, they might go out in the evenings to shop, play, eat, or have gatherings, so I have time then. Last night was just such a situation.

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Today / April 1st, the specific situation is as follows:
First, no video games were played. I had some ideas, but after thinking about it, I stopped myself.
Recently, the school has been organizing some activities. My parents need to go out to buy related things, and I have online classes, so I can participate in a reading club, but I might not be able to listen to it completely. I might leave halfway or not listen because of the online classes.
I didn’t swear much, but there were some. The specific situation is that a certain person showed me his written piece titled “United Capitalists of the World” which made me laugh out loud. I cursed him out, and there were some swear words mixed in, not many, and there has been some improvement compared to before.
Will continue to update tomorrow.

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What exactly do you think about when you want to play games? Can you talk about these?

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My friend contacted me on WeChat, asking if I wanted to play. I thought I had nothing to do and decided to play a bit. Then I remembered what I read in the forum and the books I plan to read every day, so I told him I was busy and would be available later. Later, I didn’t reply to him and pretended I was offline.

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Actually, I have had similar fantasies before. About two or three years ago, I often imagined myself appearing before young people with the appearance of an old revolutionary after the victory of the revolution. Another imagined scene is that just a wave of the arm would mobilize the masses. In fact, this is completely a kind of historical idealism fantasy, imagining oneself becoming a big figure in the revolution, and that this big figure has driven the progress of history. This kind of thinking also belongs to individualism, focusing on personal fame, prestige, and power. It is also related to my previous living situation, when I was parasitically studying in graduate school at home. Your current situation is quite similar. Moreover, your family wants you to study abroad as an international student, which probably offers better material comforts and conditions for parasitism. You should struggle with your family to fight for the right not to go abroad for high school. Once you go abroad, it becomes easier to live a bourgeois life of luxury. If you want to participate in the revolution, you should make a firm decision to stay in the country and finish high school here, then follow a self-study path to live independently abroad. You could have been exposed to the labor reform of the working class early on, and not immersed in capitalist life for too long, making ideological transformation relatively easier.

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Today in summary:

  1. Read Chairman Mao’s “Opposition to Bourgeois Ideology within the Party,” I will write a reply post about my thoughts later.
  2. Had a debate with rightist liberal elements, successfully (at least in terms of revolution) persuaded one of them.
    I couldn’t attend today’s reading club, I request leave, please understand.
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Summary of the first three days: During the first three days, I had a struggle with my parents. I don’t have time to write the details for now, but basically I can’t attend the reading club anymore because they promised me that I couldn’t participate in such meetings if I read Marx and Lenin. I might be able to come only after they are not at home in the evening.

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Actually, I think you shouldn’t negotiate with them over reading Marx and Lenin. They definitely wouldn’t want you to read Marx and Lenin. I see you also wrote that your parents are watching your computer. I think you should set a password lock on your computer so they can’t look at it casually. Fight with them to strive for your freedom to use electronic devices.

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The day before yesterday, I was writing my reading reflections in my notebook. When I had written about a third of it, my mom called me to go downstairs, so I closed my computer. Then in the afternoon, I took my computer downstairs to charge, and my mom took the opportunity to open my computer while I was busy with something else. She found my reflections and called me over. We argued; my mom told me not to do these “useless things.” I told her that what I do has nothing to do with her, and I also said I couldn’t even read Marxist-Leninist books, and reading this book wouldn’t do anything to her. My mom then started making anti-communist remarks, which were quite extreme—I don’t remember exactly. Yesterday, my mom saw the notes I wrote in my paper notebook for the book club, called me over again, and since she was in a bad mood these days, we argued again. She took my notebook away, and I haven’t found it since—it’s where I kept my book club notes, a portrait of Chairman Mao, and some reflections on Marxist-Leninist-Maoist theories. Later, she also asked me to delete everything related to Marxism-Leninism-Maoism from my computer. I followed her instructions, but I kept backups of some documents and references. However, the draft of my reflections in my memo is gone. I debated with her afterward, telling her that she is a liberal, and my involvement with Marxism-Leninism is my freedom. According to her logic, why can’t I do it? She was silenced, and then I set a condition: I am not allowed to participate in any Marxist-Leninist gatherings or online websites. I can read books but cannot search online or write things. Currently, I can only access the association’s website when they are not home (they are at a car exhibition now, and it will take at least an hour and a half before they come back). In the future, I will try to stay at school or rent a place with friends after a year. For now, besides my parents’ interference, I am relatively young. Living alone or with minors might attract police visits. I will try after a year. For now, I will reduce my visits to the association and also need to pretend to indulge in some pleasures to avoid suspicion. After some time, things should become a bit easier.

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Do you not have a password on your computer, or does your mom know your password?

Ideally, you shouldn’t leave paper materials about theories at all, and definitely no paper materials related to the association, for security reasons. Security issues may seem troublesome normally, but when problems arise, their necessity becomes clear.

When are you usually free to go out? And how can you ensure that she will follow the agreement you made with your mom?

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The Mac system’s groove directly with the screen won’t lock immediately, so she just turned it on.
I won’t adhere to that agreement, nor do I expect her to follow it. Anyway, if he finds out, then I have adhered to it.

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Online classes on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday are fine, and sometimes they are not at home on weekends, which is also okay.

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Should I find a place to burn all the theoretical books I printed and some original works… because it has already caused trouble before?