A, My understanding of Marxism is superficial, and I do not know how to apply dialectical materialism to guide my life and thoughts. The most obvious is that I am nostalgic for petty bourgeois spiritual opium and cannot see its class consciousness clearly, and I do not believe that communist art can also have excellent works. Moreover, I have a narrow outlook, shortsighted, possibly because I have absorbed a large amount of vulgar idealist effects and theories of phenomena, which has inflated my individualism, and I have not recognized the advanced and universal nature of dialectical materialism. I have not systematically studied Marxist theory, raised many naive questions, and been harshly criticized by you without repentance.
B, I defend the spiritual opium advocated by the bourgeoisie, and even make counter-revolutionary remarks for this. I have not recognized the counter-revolutionary essence of spiritual opium. This is an extreme individualist statement and should be severely criticized. Every social behavior bears the mark of class. Only by achieving the liberation of the proletariat can I truly be liberated; individual liberation is not the same as class liberation.
C, I want to “drink coffee and stir revolution” without systematic study of Marx, Lenin, Mao, just blindly worship Mao Zedong and think I can pursue his footsteps to leave a mark in history, making the mistake of wishful thinking, idealism, and personal heroism. If such thoughts persist during the revolution, they will inevitably evolve into opportunism, leftist adventurism, or rightist capitulation, all of which will cause heavy blows to the revolution.
Now, every time I want to play games or watch videos, I ask myself whether this reflects capitalist ideas. I find I cannot convince myself that it does not promote capitalist ideas, so I cannot relax and play (time has also greatly decreased), because every deepening of capitalist ideas is like adding a heavier chain to my shackles. But I still cannot completely detach from these; I still want to play (and maintain relationships with other petty bourgeois). I know this is a process of negation. Since the game is already dead, I no longer argue, and I even hope to play communist games.
I always long to listen to music, but not to satisfy my romantic fantasies about women, nor for personal heroism, nor to exploit others. Although creators may connect these, I simply enjoy listening to them. For example, I like songs such as Hatsune Miku’s “Senbonzakura” and “UNDEAD,” PinocchioP’s “Super Protagonist” (these are in Japanese, I don’t understand), DJ OKWARI’s “flower dance,” “luv letter” (pure music), and “Tired of Problem (explicit)” (phonk, almost pure music, with some curse words). I also added “The Internationale” to my playlist.
But many of the songs you advocate seem to have a religious undertone, like “The East is Red,” with a sense of unity in chorus, similar to how North Korea claims to be a socialist country but is actually a dictatorship (I’m not sure). Since you, as communists, must believe in Marxism, although you are fundamentally different from other religions, I always associate your songs with Christian songs I have heard (similar in form), and naturally think of brainwashing and spiritual control. Of course, capitalism also brainwashes people, and I feel sad that people are always brainwashed. Can a communist society prevent brainwashing?
Another issue is that I remember middle school textbooks and exercises explaining individualism and collectivism as prioritizing the collective interest over the individual, with the individual interest making concessions to the collective. Only when the collective interest is guaranteed can individual interests be protected. This implicitly assumes that the collective interest is still for individual benefit, which is clearly aimed at making oppressed people obey collective arrangements, effectively serving bourgeois rule. Your communist collectivism is based on lofty ideals, but are these lofty ideals just the embodiment of personal ideals? You believe this interest is higher than all other material interests, so many people give up their position in the exploitative class and join you (Engels). But is this kind of collectivism, born from such ideals, still individualism united with other individualism? Essentially, it is still individualism. I am vulgar individualist hedonist, while you aim to realize great ideals of individualism.