Comrades, hello. I have been observing the forum for months, always fearing that exposing myself would make me look bad, and only now have I made up my mind to communicate with comrades, hoping I can contribute a little to the revolutionary cause.
I come from a petty-bourgeois family, a member of the Black Five and One White category, with relatives who are landlords, rich peasants, capitalists, and various bureaucratic and other scoundrels; our clan tree even writes that we are descendants of some feudal emperor, but I think that’s all nonsense. I have never lacked food or clothing since childhood, lived a life of eating, drinking, playing, and gaming, and the word revolution has had nothing to do with me at all. I lived a life detached from the masses, living by others’ rules. Therefore, from a young age I was a little pink who supported the mid-reform, and I even despised the Japanese people, shouting that I would kill all Japanese. Even my Confucian mother couldn’t stand it and was going to hit me. Looking back now, I was really stupid.
In elementary school I encountered the video game “Minecraft.” It was during a holiday back to my hometown when my cousin showed it to me. I was deeply attracted by the freedom to build in it, and I became hooked, spending half the day on it even now.
During the pandemic, I studied at home and didn’t want to attend classes, browsed Zhihu to kill time, and saw arguments exposing mid-reform and liberal arguments. At first I doubted these views, thinking perhaps the country isn’t so bad after all—after all, my petty life is so comfortable; social existence determines social consciousness. At most I would just doubt mid-reform for a while.
Around 2023, due to not attending online classes and playing games during the pandemic, my grades plummeted, exams went poorly, and my parents and teachers often scolded me. I no longer lived as carefree as before and began to question why we have so much homework, why there are so many exams, why diplomas are so important. I then learned through videos and my parents that housing prices in China are high and ordinary people can’t afford a house in a lifetime. After a period of inner conflict I stopped identifying with mid-reform and became liberal. What’s funny now is that at that time as a liberal I was anti-Mao, but I didn’t realize that “Dare to Exchange the Sun and Moon for a New Sky” is Mao Zedong’s poetry, and I often wrote this thinking it was written by some liberal. Now that looks very ridiculous.
During this period my grades were poor, I often slept in school and read extracurricular books, and I was expelled. I’m still at home now.
By watching videos I read comments from many workers and masses complaining that Chinese workers are paid very low and have little status, and I thought about my own poor grades and, after graduation, becoming a worker who would surely be exploited, so I was very afraid. Liberals don’t want to topple capitalists and can’t solve the problem of worker exploitation, so I became an anarchist again, still liking “individual freedom” and “freedom of will” as before, because I came from a petty-bourgeois background, which is selfish and yearns for individual freedom.
I was exposed to the left circle after this period; while scrolling video comments I accidentally met a net-left propaganda circle that expressed revolution in an oblique way. I joined, and there I revealed my anarchist understanding, such as my stereotypes about the Cultural Revolution, and they criticized me. I’m not learned, so I couldn’t argue with them, so I also became a net-left.
In the left circle I read some Marxist books, read part of Lenin’s Collected Works, but I couldn’t finish due to my loose lifestyle; I read the history of the Republic, Ten Years Without a Dream, the memoirs of Qi Benyu, and other leftist books. But now I’ve forgotten most of them and didn’t learn much Marxism. My activity in the left circle was just chatting and fooling around. I met an organization similar to yours, called something like “Liaoning University” (辽大) with a leader named Mikhail; they also opposed the ‘二次元’ (two-dimensional anime/otaku culture) because I used a two-dimensional avatar and was expelled the next day. I don’t know if they are related to you.
Because I was still living an old life in the left circle, still gaming all day, and living a comfortable parasitic family life, a while ago (about half a year ago) I had a serious shake of my belief in Marxism. The external cause was petty-bourgeois Confucian parents telling me about the three-year hard times when people in the family starved. The internal cause was my petty bourgeois life. During this period I kept doubting whether Marxism was wrong, whether liberalism was right, whether mid-reform was good, and so on—thinking about it every day until my brain felt fried. I went to read old-left books and articles on Wu Wei Zhi Yu (the Wuzhi Zizhuan? – Old Left site) to find answers. After reading articles criticizing liberalism, these ideas in my head were completely smashed, and I hardly wavered again. But my social existence had not changed, so I still had doubts.
I came to the forum through the external group of “Continuing Revolution Society.” After becoming net-left, I met a group promoting xmpp; they invited me in, and I just talked there. Later a group called “Continuing Revolution Society” appeared; they insulted your association. Someone posted your forum link, and out of curiosity I clicked it. I looked around your forum and found they were all slandering and spreading rumors. Your forum environment is very good; it is a good place to exchange Marxism, completely unlike the left-wing mess of xmpp filled with all kinds of demons. I looked at your documents such as the Zhongwei-ge (Center for Chinese Unification?) and the Thought Reform Manual; the problems pointed out do indeed exist and should be changed.
I was exposed to pornographic thoughts in the sixth grade. I don’t remember exactly how I started watching porn, but my pornographic thoughts were rebellious from the start. The first thing I saw was porn of women being raped, and I would masturbate to it and fantasize about raping female teachers and female classmates, even had urges to rape women. I was truly disgusting. Later, after being sick of imagining raping women, I mainly fantasized about being raped by women, masturbating to those scenes. My pornographic thoughts are still very strong and have seriously affected my attitude toward women; I often can’t help but stare at women’s bodies in public, and I am a disgusting creep.
I have a few questions:
- In the left circle there are rumors about your leader’s October Fire (■■■■) saying something like the “sperm revolution theory.” I don’t quite believe it; you obviously oppose pornographic thoughts and the disgusting attitude toward women, how could you publish such statements? But I’m still not sure, whether it’s true or not, I’m a bit uncertain.
- What is the relationship between that “Liaoda” organization and you? I heard they have connections with some party in Russia; their line should be similar to yours, and they also oppose two-dimensional culture. Are you and “Liaoda” in the same organization? I’m curious.
- What can I contribute to the revolution by coming to the forum?
