I’ll write it now. But since the only place I can post for now is the introduction section, I’ll reply here to avoid causing any trouble.
Disclosure of My Recent Decadent and Corrupt Life
I have been gone for a long time recently, and during that time I was indulging in sensual pleasure and wasting time. In fact, it was a continuation of the sensual indulgence from my winter break. After I returned to the forum, I still did not deeply reflect on my own problems; instead, I read books during the day. Rather than studying theory, it was more like killing time. Then I would take leave from evening class and go home, watch videos before the study group started, often arriving five or six minutes late. Later, I accidentally came across a promotional video for a Minecraft server, and I was very tempted, but at that time I still did not directly join. Afterward, I heard from classmates in my class that they often played Minecraft online, so I asked whether I could join too. Then, one Saturday, I shamefully gave up attending the study group and “revisited” a bourgeois game, and from that point on my life began to decline rapidly and even become increasingly rotten. I was no longer satisfied with merely playing online with classmates from my class. I started actively searching on Bilibili for those server promotional videos, then joined group chats and entered servers, playing all the way until late at night and into the early hours of the morning. When I got tired of playing, I would masturbate and watch porn. I felt extremely guilty and even dared not look at the forum. During that time, I also thought about ending this way of life, but whenever I thought about having to confess all this to everyone, I would escape even more and return to my den of sensual pleasure. But this kind of life made me feel increasingly empty inside. I also no longer had any desire to play Minecraft, so I began playing Darkest Dungeon and watching gameplay videos to pass the time, but that only made me feel emptier and emptier. Sometimes I even wondered whether I would keep avoiding reality until, years later, I had become hopelessly backward and then return to the forum. Yet I still did not have the courage, or rather the will, to face my own mistakes. It was not until I saw a self-narration filmed back in China by a Chinese man who had served as a contract soldier in Russia. Although his stance was that of an imperialist leaning toward Chinese revisionism, he still made me understand a corner of hell. He described the ordeal of several other Chinese contract soldiers who had gone with him (he was the only one among those sent to the front lines who survived). I could not understand why they would actively go and take part in an imperialist war, to sell their lives for the Russian bourgeoisie, and even voluntarily go to the front lines (they could have worked in logistics). I felt ashamed that I clearly knew my own duty, yet did nothing. From that moment on, I began to want to return to the association and started to reflect. Later, I uninstalled the games and stopped masturbating. I feel genuine remorse for the mistakes I committed during this period, and I hope the association can give me another chance so I can rejoin the People’s Square and return to the path of revolution.
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The situation with Hongqing made me think of when I was on leave from school before. All day long, I’d just watch bourgeois literature and art, jack off to porn, eat and sleep, and I became mentally extremely empty, even to the point of insomnia. I remember Marx once said that human value lies in creative activity; a parasitic life may be materially abundant, but it cuts off one’s connection to labor, and such a life is ultimately not fit for a human being. By the way, what are Hongqing’s plans after this? You have to know that the petty bourgeoisie also has to participate in labor, but because they control a small amount of means of production, this self-sufficient character determines that when they take part in labor, it is entirely for their own private interests. Also, in Hongqing’s self-criticism, this issue’s social impact wasn’t mentioned at all: when one more parasite appears, that means more workers have to work themselves to the bone to support him. For example, the reason we can enjoy cheap electricity is that coal prices are low enough. Coal prices are low enough because the middle revisionist regime, in order to cut costs, uses administrative means to forcibly suppress coal prices, while the private bourgeoisie that produces coal cares even less about whether workers live or die. To protect their profits, on the one hand they lower coal miners’ wages, and on the other they make workers take risks and work in hidden seams, so they can speculate and resell for profit. And Hongqing relied on everyone’s help to struggle through leaving school (or maybe self-study, I’m not too clear on that), using the fruits of collective labor to pave the way for personal enjoyment, and this was not mentioned at all either. It’s a good thing that Hongqing wants to end this shameful way of life, but if you do this, it is completely out of personal self-interest, because from your self-criticism it’s clear that you haven’t reflected on your attitude toward the collective or on the social impact of parasitism itself. I think Hongqing should think about what mindset he had when writing this self-criticism, and what he plans to do in the future.
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Sorry, I didn’t explain myself clearly. Actually, I’m not self-studying or taking a leave of absence right now — I’m still in school. I haven’t succeeded in my struggle, and part of the reason I ran off to pursue pleasure was that, after failing in that struggle, I just gave up and escaped from reality. But I really haven’t reflected on the fact that by giving up the struggle for pleasure, I was exploiting the working masses. As for my plans for the future, I want to, after passing the school exam (I haven’t passed English), start struggling and self-studying again.
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But you’re right, I did benefit from the fruits of those struggles, because thanks to the struggles of the past, I didn’t have to bear the same heavy academic burden as others. The older nine also don’t keep such a tight rein on me like they used to, and I also haven’t reflected on my attitude toward the association.
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@烽火Flame Comrade Flame, I think you could also add another Minecraft image, because in fact I’ve put more time into that one.
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Why is everyone posting these emojis? I didn’t mean anything by it.
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Maybe they mean that’s not the main point. What has Hongqing been up to these past few days?
How has Hongqing been lately?
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