After this month of winter vacation, I have proactively disclosed or been discovered by others of many issues, such as secretly watching pornography and masturbating, and frantically scrolling through short videos. Everyone has enthusiastically helped me, allowing me to correct my mistakes.
Now I plan to return to my old school for another semester. When I reach the third year of high school, I want to leave the school and work locally for a while; after I obtain my graduation certificate next year, I will leave the area. This is my plan for adulthood.
For this school diary, I mainly plan to focus on peer communication, conflicts between Lao Jiu and students, my ideological struggles, and theoretical studies, keeping the content concise. Today’s diary will be updated after I return to the dormitory tonight.
March 4th
(Last night there was a little problem and I didn’t post my diary. Now I’ve updated the diary during music class.)
Before coming to Zixuefu (around 1:30 p.m.), I had a conflict with my sister: she demanded I hand over my phone, or else she would tell that damn Confucian father. But I refused outright (asking me to cut off contact with everyone for over a week?). In the end, I said directly: “If you want to tell XXX, then go ahead. I’ll just take my money and stay somewhere else, I’m not reading anymore!” After that, I carried that precious reserve fund with me and took a taxi with my grandmother to school.
On the way, I gradually started chatting with the driver about topics like Shi Xiu, the three generations of Jin Zhu, parasitic students in Zhong Xiu, and so on. However, he still harbored illusions about the fake “Communism” of Chao Xiu, thinking that free medical care was good. I exposed the truth to him using the fact that North Korean defectors have parasites in their intestines and that North Korean hospitals lack medicine and supplies, but my level was poor, and I failed to make the driver see the truth clearly. When I got off, he advised me, “Life isn’t easy, so you still need to study hard.” No, I should devote myself to revolution and participate in labor, not betray the kindness of the working people.
Afterwards, I was busy for a while at school. At this time, my sister arrived and told her and grandmother to go back. After some friction, I turned around and went back to the classroom. I stayed in the classroom for a while, then went to move things to the dormitory. While moving things, I suddenly remembered some erotic fan manga scenes from “Blue Archive”; I quickly stopped that thought. Then I suddenly realized I hadn’t finished my math homework, so I hurriedly borrowed a classmate’s homework to copy. “What we need is a passionate yet calm emotion, tense yet orderly work.” I copied quickly and calmly until 6:30, when Math Lao Jiu announced that homework collection was starting, and I finished just in time to submit it. The crisis of the winter vacation homework was resolved.
Later, Math Lao Jiu announced that Dog School would require us to attend classes for nine consecutive days, and we are not allowed to go home on weekends; we need to arrive at the classroom ten minutes early, at 7:00 a.m.; and the weekend rest time was changed to Saturday afternoon to Sunday noon. After the Zhong Xiu Education Department announced “reducing burdens,” this Zixuefu’s weekend break returned to the original — one of the sources of my suffering in the first semester of high school. It shows that Zhong Xiu’s capitalist school will never truly care about students’ physical and mental health, only about scores to crush students and maintain Zhong Xiu’s rule.
At 6:45, some class cadres (Lao Jiu’s running dogs) were called to the office for a meeting to hear how Math Lao Jiu was secretly arranging to select “excellent class cadres.” I and a few others stayed behind as candidates for last semester’s awards. Because I participated halfway in the Saturday makeup classes, and I had expressed opposition to the makeup classes, plus Lao Jiu in Chinese and English said I had a poor attitude towards learning (Lao Jiu in English said my handwriting was sloppy, but she wasn’t much better), I was not considered and told to go back to the classroom. I proposed resigning, and Math Lao Jiu told me that I would lose my eligibility for future evaluations if I gave up. I still said I wouldn’t do it, thinking: who wants that broken reward! In the end, she approved. After that, I was no longer afraid to fight Lao Jiu because I was no longer Lao Jiu’s obedient dog. Last semester, I didn’t dare resign from the Youth League secretary position because I didn’t actively engage in ideological struggle or communicate my series of problems with everyone, which caused me to drag it out until now.
Later in the evening, I was reading the novel collection “New Blood.” The passionate and fearless revolutionary youth in it attracted me. Their vibrant life was completely different from now. My current life in a dull, scheming environment is so suffocating — but with everyone on the forum, I am actually living a vigorous life, just not to the extent of labor reform.
My struggle with Confucian parents is not just a fight I am fighting alone. Confucian parents seem very powerful, but they rely on my selfishness and savage suppression. Although I am the only one directly confronting them, behind them is the Chinese reform state machinery, but behind me are comrades on the forum, the entire proletariat. As long as we dare to fight against old things and old ideas, we will definitely defeat the “beauty snake” and paper tigers!
Fighting shoulder to shoulder with irreplaceable comrades, victory will surely belong to us!
Why did I recall this while moving?
I don’t know, during this period I clearly haven’t been exposed to anything borderline or 二次元 (anime/manga) arts, but sometimes my mind inexplicably drifts into pornographic thoughts. I have to forcibly dispel them each time, feeling like it’s caused by class stance issues.
March 5th
Today’s morning reading (English) was particularly painful. Under the supervision of Lao Jiu from Mathematics, we stood up and read the text aloud. I didn’t sleep until around 1 a.m., so I wasn’t feeling very well; I read with chest tightness and shortness of breath, unable to breathe properly. Later, as soon as Lao Jiu left my nearby seat, I just moved my lips to save effort. Finally, this torturous twenty minutes ended with the official ringing of the morning reading bell, and I quickly sat down to catch my breath. This was a strong warning after the strengthened control measures by the Zixuefu.
During the fifth period in the morning (self-study), I wanted to send out my diary, but at this moment Lao Jiu from Mathematics entered the classroom and wandered around. I had to hide my phone. When she came to me, she found the red paper I had posted on the monitoring window at the back door. She tore it down and asked if my deskmate and I had posted it. I denied it directly, and she warned us that stickers were not allowed on the window glass. After waving around on the podium for a while, she left. According to Qian Ren, Lao Jiu was testing me, trying to find evidence that I brought my phone. It seems that the class struggle will become even more difficult in the future, and we must be mentally prepared.
At 6 p.m., “Public Concern” was broadcast, which heavily featured news about the National People’s Congress meeting held today by Zhongxiu. “All empty talk and nonsense,” my deskmate said. I continued to talk about his situation at home (his mother runs a small restaurant in a nearby scenic area, and during this holiday he helped her stir-fry. His father is unaware, and his deskmate said he went to do something else). He then complained about the Zhongxiu government: in his hometown, the government promotes “poverty alleviation,” asking local residents to plant a certain economic crop for a year, which the government then buys uniformly; later, due to tight government funds, they refused to buy and reported that “the area has been lifted out of poverty.” My deskmate said hatefully, “Poverty alleviation, but nothing has changed! So many people plant XX, but no one buys, how can they survive?” Then we discussed topics such as Zhongxiu organ harvesting, Yu Menglong case, youth unemployment, etc. It’s clear that he already harbors quite a bit of resentment towards Zhongxiu, and he’s not a pink supporter—he’s a good propaganda target. Like many petty bourgeois students, he doesn’t know what to do in the future. He thought about returning to the countryside to farm, but I pointed out that this was a dead end; I haven’t told him what to do yet, just vaguely said, “This can be changed.” I hope comrades can give some suggestions on how to promote to my deskmate.
After school, returning to the dormitory, I first brushed my teeth, washed my face, and washed my feet, then practiced the harmonica for more than ten minutes (piece: “Fly Higher,” Soviet Union socialist military song). I think playing musical instruments appropriately to relax is okay, but it shouldn’t affect life and study. Lenin was willing to give up chess for the revolutionary cause, and I need to have the same determination as Lenin to give up the harmonica at critical moments.
When discussing these topics, someone said that Zhongxiu was no longer socialist. Is he aware of this?
Not yet, I don’t know how to go deeper.
First, through social phenomena and news (later, as you learn more about him, you can tell him about political events, historical and current workers’ movements, student movements, mass struggles—like the exposes by liberal media yesterday), reveal the social nature and darkness of the bourgeoisie, and can talk to him about how people’s political, material, and spiritual lives were during the socialist period. Share documentaries like “Yu Gong Moves Mountains” to give him a perceptual understanding of socialist social life. As a high school student, he is also deeply oppressed by bourgeois academia, reactionary teachers, and parents. You can expose the control and bourgeoisification education in schools, and question for whom the so-called “good” intentions of reactionary teachers and parents really serve. Point out that the future direction of social change can only be socialist revolution and socialism. As a petit-bourgeois student, he faces two paths: the path of capitalism’s decline and death, or the path of vitality and hope—socialism. He should choose which path. These propaganda activities should, and can, be linked to philosophy, political economy, and historical materialism to explain which class or group benefits from various philosophies, ideologies, and thoughts popular in society today. Why do reactionary and conservative social groups always use idealism and metaphysics as their ideological weapons, while revolutionary and progressive social groups use materialism and dialectics to attack reactionaries? The bourgeoisie plunders the countries and peoples of Asia, Africa, and Latin America; the bourgeois imperialist groups provoke wars against European and American imperialist groups. Do the interests of the middle and lower classes have anything in common with this? Can he make a fortune? Whose dream is the Chinese Dream? And the questions of overturning and re-overturning Chinese history and world history are all valid directions for propaganda.
Then I practiced the harmonica for more than ten minutes (piece: Socialist Soviet Union military song “Fly Higher”).
Where did the North Wind find the sheet music? I can’t find a suitable sheet music, and my harmonica is in C key, so the melodies I play sound all soft and mellow.
My harmonica is also in C key, and I found the sheet music on Bilibili from a user called “纤弱的花楸”, which has relatively high quality.
(附: “飞得更高” sheet music is in C key)
March 6
Early reading, we stood up for early reading supervised by Lao Jiu in mathematics. I spent the entire twenty minutes “dawdling,” only moving my lips to save effort and avoid suffering like yesterday morning. I took some time to browse the Chinese elective textbook and found that two-thirds of the articles are essays, poems, or writings by reactionaries, bourgeoisie, or white specialists. Moreover, the selected reactionary novel “Border Town” is overly rebellious, a solid proof that the middle school revision pollutes students and cultivates pedophilia in education; extremely evil, “what is bearable, who is not bearable”!
The first class (Chinese), Lao Jiu reviewed what we learned yesterday. I only then realized that the “Yang” in the “Book of Songs” is not promoting the marriage of the slave-owning class, but rather from the oppressed women’s perspective, describing the oppression women suffer under patriarchy, and depicting the typical image of the man below: “sweet words before marriage, violence after marriage,” clearly showing the purpose of deceiving the family slave. Of course, this selection reflects the “trend” of the struggles of the working people at that time. However, the middle school revision will definitely distort the interpretation of “Yang.” Sure enough, Lao Jiu spoke at length, saying “In the past, women were oppressed everywhere, now domestic violence women will soon be caught,” which is a complete distortion of facts; in reality, many women are beaten by male chauvinists, and the middle school revision still covers up for male chauvinists, which is what Lao Jiu called “catching”!
During lunch break, I was reading “Annotations to the Analects,” a version shared by Hughes on the forum. After reading the first few chapters, the image of Confucius, the stubborn and crazy aristocrat who paved the way for restoration, vividly appeared under the comments of workers, peasants, soldiers, and students, especially the part where “Zai Wo said that planting chestnut trees in the Zhou temple was to ‘shock the chestnuts’ the people, forcing Confucius to say some vague words to get past it,” which is very obvious.
After dinner, I wandered around the track and field for a while, then immediately returned to the classroom, which was around 5:40. Inside the classroom, some students were watching reactionary CCTV animal documentaries. Seeing the copper horn player blowing the horn to disguise as an opposite-sex crocodile to attract crocodiles, my deskmate said rebelliously, “That James blowing the horn disguised as an opposite-sex crocodile to attract crocodiles is trying to get on…” I immediately criticized him for being inappropriate and thinking about yellow stuff, but he rebelliously said that it was nothing, then unexpectedly turned the tables and said I was the one who was inappropriate and thinking about yellow stuff. I was speechless, and my deskmate and another person burst out laughing.
After returning to the dormitory at night, I found that my printed copy of “Journey” had arrived. Starting tomorrow, I will read this novel.
March 9th
Today’s opening ceremony was as usual, with the crazy slogans and banners of speculation, crowded students, and the disgusting speeches of the academic thieves. But there was something a bit strange—the director of the street police station who attended this time became the school’s “moral” principal, a position that didn’t exist before, although it might be an honorary title. Does this mean that, as the revolutionary crisis deepens, the Zhongxiu (Chinese revisionism) is strengthening the role of the violent machinery in the school’s dictatorship?
During the fifth period (self-study) in the morning, the lackeys announced that we would move seats as usual at noon. I felt irritated because I would be sitting in the second row all week, so I couldn’t attend the reading club or exchange ideas with everyone during the daytime evening self-study. Comrade Qian Ren directly suggested I stop bringing my phone during the day, worried that Lao Jiu might suspect me; he explained this later in the evening. Once seated at the front, I could only quietly read novels; the materials on my phone could only be viewed in the dormitory. In the evening, I returned to the dorm and read the historical materialism and the “Annotations to the Analects” as planned. I read the tenth item of “Shu Er, Chapter Seven.” During the previous Chinese ancient history reading club, it seemed that everyone might have read the annotations and used the original Analects to mock Confucius casually.
My interactions with my deskmate are still not smooth. He is entirely focused on his speculative career, eager to reach the over 400-point threshold for the special control line to get into university; when I showed disdain for his efforts to serve the lackeys in the neighboring class and the exploitation of our class, he said, “You’re dissatisfied again.” Seeing the fluent Chinese of the comprador traitors in the colonial news, he said, “Foreigners will eventually be trained to become Chinese,” which is quite rebellious. I had a rough plan before—combining the desolate conditions of his hometown with the oppression in the Zixuefu (capitalist academic institutions) to promote awareness to him; to achieve this, I might need to review the relevant discussions in Zhongwei Ge (the period of the Chinese revolution) and the two articles criticizing Zixuefu in the second issue of “Dawn,” explaining why speculation is hopeless and how to proceed.
March 10
Today’s early reading session returned to the painful state of the beginning, because my seat was in the second row, under the watchful eyes of the math teacher Lao Jiu, and I had to read the text aloud loudly. The twenty-minute early reading session passed, leaving me feeling chest tight and uncomfortable. When I discussed with my roommates in the evening, they all said that early reading was too gloomy, and the school was tightening its control over students; recalling that before, Huotang (or was it May Day?) also said Lao Jiu demanded half an hour of early reading, but was cut in half due to student opposition.
Additionally, my roommate told me that due to a large number of student reports, the bureaucrats advocating forcing students to return to school on Sunday noon, in order to keep their positions, were forced to cancel the plan. Students can indeed unite to fight against the educational authorities, and the situation will only escalate.
Today, there was progress in the propaganda about my deskmate. It started with the vice principal of the grade sending over an application for financial aid, and I asked him about its purpose. He told me it was to cover tuition and get braces. Somehow, we then talked about his hometown.
This time, more detailed than before: his father is a farmer, mainly growing oranges and kiwifruit, with an annual income of about twenty thousand yuan. He also has to do odd jobs to earn money. In the 1990s, his family still had a car and was considered a “ten-thousand-yuan household” (probably wealthy farmers or upper-middle farmers); now, they are still a ten-thousand-yuan household. During the economic crises in 2000 and 2001, when buyers came to the village to purchase oranges, the purchase price was only three to seven jiao per jin, even though his family produced five to six thousand jin of oranges. His father went to the city to find buyers, but at most one yuan per jin. This is a huge difference from the current local orange price (three to four yuan per jin), and the middlemen made a lot of money. I was shocked at that moment—this is simply cannibalism! He also said that they used to mainly grow rice, but after hybrid rice appeared, growing rice was no longer sustainable, so they had to switch to fruit.
Talking about Zhongxiu Hospital, he told me that his third grandfather was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and his family only had fifty thousand yuan, so they had to wait for death; his grandfather, who died ten years ago from stomach cancer, was checked several times at the prefecture-level hospital and no stomach cancer was found, but it was finally discovered in the last check as late-stage stomach cancer.
My deskmate told me: “The doctor back then said, ‘Why did you come so early?’” His father was very angry and said, “Whatever you say, that’s what it is. What else can we do?” I also complained about Zhongxiu Hospital with the swelling on my leg, and he told me that removing a lump is not as good as getting two injections at the village clinic, which are even free; my grandmother paid over 1,600 yuan for a lump at the Chinese medicine hospital.
When I told him about the wealth gap and tax situation at Zhongxiu, I referenced data from the “Zhongwei Revolution.” Previously, when I saw news about Zhongxiu’s two sessions discussing Keynesianism and the plan to issue 250 billion yuan in government bonds for subsidies, I said these were paid by taxes, and he thought taxes were borne by capitalists; after I explained the “2014 statistics from the United Nations Securities Research Institute,” he was silent for a while. We agreed to talk again tomorrow.