When criticizing “marks_king,” I had high hopes for him, thinking that “if he seriously reflects, he can make good self-criticism,” and I took a relatively compromising stance toward his criticism. I did not conduct thorough investigation into many of his mistakes, so it seemed like I was “being kind to him,” but in fact I was making concessions to his wrong ideas. It appeared that I was yielding to his mistakes, but in reality I was yielding to my own mistakes, even though he likes pornography and I do not.
The ideological root of my actions, in my opinion, is reconciliationism. This ideology believes that if there are alternative ways to class struggle, there is no need to “fight head-on.” It considers that the content and form of struggle are unimportant, and the outcome is what matters most. “As long as there’s a movement, that’s enough.” If fierce struggle might cause some people to run away instead of staying, then betraying organizational principles is acceptable; if facing confrontation in shops might lead to being beaten, then staying at home and making calls is worthwhile; if earning money means others get paid and helping others ask for wages might disrupt one’s rest, then being a lazy manager who shirks responsibility is justified; if demanding to withdraw from school might cause family conflicts to erupt violently, then taking a break from school is acceptable…
Reconciliationism has historically been extremely reactionary, and it remains so today, even on a personal level.
Ultimately, this issue stems from my incomplete proletarianization (although I don’t know exactly what proletarianization entails). But I still want to specifically discuss what the core problem is.
Because I was once a petty-bourgeois student, despite my poor family background. Since I started working, I still nostalgically cling to the petty-bourgeois living conditions of the past. Although I am on the path of working-class integration, when I entered a bourgeois university, I immediately reverted to my old ways. “People join the Party, but their thoughts haven’t joined.” “People are moving toward proletarianization, but their thoughts haven’t.” I suppose this describes me. I still believe that the petty-bourgeois struggle methods can work, but recently I failed in a wage-claiming effort. Because I abandoned illegal means and relied solely on legal methods to achieve victory, I failed. I often feel that “there’s no need to debate anymore, it’s a waste of energy.” Reconciliationism gradually led to defeatism, and I simply stopped moving.
On one hand, this is due to past connections, such as school-related issues and former classmates… On the other hand, I haven’t fully proletarianized or truly lived independently in society. These form the material basis of reconciliationism. Therefore, to change all this, I must survive on my own and learn from the working people. Transform my thoughts.
Regarding the matter of marks_king, I think because he is relatively “pitiful,” with a more difficult life, I feel he should be “more lenient,” so I overlook many of his mistakes and sometimes judge based on my past experience. As a result, my understanding of him is not very clear. I believe that he has mistakes, and reconciliation can help him change because I “still feel” that he is good. In reality, I am deliberately downplaying his mistakes, using a humanistic view that “everyone makes mistakes.” In fact, I am also downplaying my own mistakes, thinking that relying on my feelings and not conducting thorough investigation and research is “no big deal.” “Having made mistakes in the past is normal because I was still ‘very backward’ at that time.” This led me to ultimately “compromise” with him by betraying organizational principles.
