I was born into a petty bourgeois family. My grandfather was a bureaucrat and has passed away, my grandmother is a retired worker, considered to be from a state-owned enterprise. My father is a small shop owner, later doing some freelance work, and my mother is considered a worker aristocrat—she works as an intermediary in the beauty industry. The two divorced when I was about six, and later each found new partners. I also have an older sister who is attending college.
To be honest, I have almost no real social practice. The so-called labor is just helping my family wash dishes or cleaning at school. The school’s labor classes are basically self-study sessions, and the teachers themselves seem indifferent.
Elementary School — The Beginning of “Pink”
I attended a pretty decent elementary school, which my father managed to get me into through some connections. Starting from fourth grade, I noticed the school often engaged in political propaganda, such as “National Heavy Equipment,” “Border Heroes,” “Great Anti-Pandemic Effort,” and so on. The homeroom teacher (a typical old-school intellectual) would frequently instill these patriotic ideas. At that time, I was quite impressionable and quickly became a little “pink.” I thought Zhongxiu (a nickname for the Chinese Communist Party) was simply too great, and even the poorest “Sanhe Daren” (a slang for the underprivileged youth in Shenzhen Longhua) would puff up their chests at the thought of Zhongxiu’s powerful military strength.
At the same time, my father bought a computer, which was my first experience with electronic devices. You could say that petty bourgeois leisure culture gradually seeped into my life—playing games, watching all kinds of chaotic viral videos, anime, and by sixth grade, I even accessed porn sites. During that period, I was addicted, often secretly watching, and even developed the bad habit of masturbation.
Middle School
I entered a pretty good middle school through a lottery. For the first two years, I mostly just played games and looked at adult content, just getting by academically, with no thought of social issues. Instead, I immersed myself in the grand rhetoric of “national rejuvenation,” becoming even more pink. Later, in the third year, my family became stricter, and my academic performance improved somewhat.
But in the third year, something made me doubt for the first time. A shop downstairs from my home caught fire in the middle of the night. The official report said it was caused by electrical aging and blamed the property management. But many people said the fire hydrants had no water, and fire trucks could only shuttle back and forth, which made the fire worse. This made me uneasy: how could the so-called “systemic superiority” fail to even ensure basic firefighting facilities? Even more ridiculous, the political teacher at school insisted that “timely compensation after the accident demonstrated superiority.” I thought to myself: compensation is compensation, but what about the negligence in supervision beforehand? From then on, I started to doubt the “system confidence” of Zhongxiu.
High School
I got into the best local high school through the entrance exam, but this place made me even more miserable. Heavy academic pressure, constant sleep deprivation; I was also addicted to anime games, spending quite a bit of money, and even got questioned by my grandmother a few times.
The most unforgettable event was the “No Discussing School Affairs” incident. During the class division in the first year, some students started spreading rumors about exposing school leaders’ corruption. As a result, during the flag-raising ceremony the following week, the principal firmly denied it as rumor-mongering and talked about “the spirit of hardship.” When we returned to class, all the posters on the bulletin board had been torn down, and the board itself was removed.
During this semester, I met a classmate A, who is a leftist. Once during a political class, the teacher smeared “June Fourth,” and after class, A and I talked. He told me the truth—that it was students and citizens peacefully protesting, but they were suppressed by the army, with armored vehicles even running over crowds. I was shocked: how could the People’s Liberation Army become like this? At that moment, I truly realized that Zhongxiu had transformed into a counter-revolutionary regime suppressing the people. A also suggested I read Marxist-Leninist works, instead of just shouting slogans.
At that time, I probably held the idea of saving the country through the Party, believing that the Party could still be saved with the efforts of healthy forces within it.
Unfortunately, that semester I was busy with exams and could only read bits and pieces. My homeroom teacher was very strict with me; I was caught secretly reading books, which were confiscated, and I was criticized for “not focusing on studies.” But this only strengthened my resolve to read those books.
Soon after, I underwent a minor surgery in the hospital. It was just a harmless lump, but it cost me over two thousand yuan, with only 300 yuan reimbursed by medical insurance. During hospitalization, I often heard people arguing with the finance department at the payment window. This was very different from the official propaganda, and my doubts about Zhongxiu grew even more—sometimes I wondered if this Party was completely rotten.
During this period, I came into contact with the “International Berlin Transit Station” and read articles written by comrades from the association. After reading them, I decided to completely purge my petty bourgeois decadent habits—delete reactionary game accounts, quit porn sites entirely. I also started actively participating in reading groups, hoping to systematically study Marxist-Leninist-Maoist theory.
Future Plans
I know there are still many remnants of petty bourgeois ideas within me, and I sometimes fall into laziness and pleasure-seeking. But I have made up my mind to, with the help of the organization and comrades, gradually transform myself and stand firm on the proletarian stance. I no longer want to be a mere spectator but truly dedicate myself to the revolutionary cause of the proletariat.
This is my self-narration. It may be a bit messy.
, why are you still coming to the October Flames forum?
