Self-criticism of one's own reactionary thoughts

free discussion Theoretical discussion
1

Comrades, I have been on the forum for nearly half a month now. Through deeper exchanges with comrades, I have gained a more profound understanding of the issues I have caused myself.

  1. Residual feudal idealist thoughts

By reading Chairman Mao’s “Outline of Dialectical Materialism,” I reflected and realized that I still harbor idealist consciousness and have not fundamentally eradicated it. With the suggestions of comrades on the forum, I am努力 correcting my idealist thoughts, transforming myself with a彻底 materialist mindset. I understand this process will be very long, requiring my own efforts and comrades’ supervision. I am confident that I can彻底 root out these reactionary thoughts and eliminate the “idols” in my muddled mind, but it still requires long-term supervision from comrades and my relentless effort to prevent these reactionary thoughts from rebounding.

  1. Loose freedom and pornographic notions

Following my previous self-introduction, I proposed to戒掉短视频 to prevent the侵蚀 of pornography and soft pornography. However, I still haven’t坚持 and quickly复辟, feeling非常愧疚, as I am沉迷于中修制造的精神鸦片 and unable to extricate myself, making it difficult to称为 a true communist. Moreover, the色情内容 I watch has become increasingly重口, even re-emerging from戒掉的手冲习惯. This reflects my lack of proletarian women’s knowledge and反动 of liberal ideas. I urgently need comrades’建议 and批评 to point out the错误 of my行为, so I can逐步改造 myself through学习.

  1. Betrayal of the working people

A few days ago, I saw some comrades discussing “hell jokes” on the forum, and I realized I have this问题: I can often feel sympathy for the苦难 of individual劳动人民, but tend to忽视 the群体. Watching the自由派恶意配乐 video of “Sichuan Jiangyou群众游行,” I竟然笑了出来, which is反动 and no different from German fascists. This made me察觉 my own反动本质: I have never truly considered the actual苦难 of劳动人民, and my宽恕行为 towards the fascist government is extremely反动 and令人作呕.

  1. Lazy attitude towards理论学习

Although I read 马列毛著作 every day, compared to before, I am浮躁 and often read only a few pages, thinking I have already achieved “劳苦功高” for the day and袖手旁观. In reality, my阅读效果 is poor, far inferior to认真阅读一页. I am unaware of my缺乏 in理论水平 and complacently believe my理论水平 is quite高超.

  1. Small bourgeois生活习惯

I have become耳不闻窗外事, instead focusing entirely on studying the “eight-legged essays” of the school,彻底成为 a true小资学生. I often玩手机到凌晨才入睡, frequently reading meaningless资本主义毒书,沉醉于其中的小资爱情观念, leading to模糊不清 about真正的恋爱观念. Like a寄生虫, I constantly向家人索取金钱 to满足自己阅读这类毒小说的需求.

These are the个人问题 I have noticed during this period. I hope to改变 myself and also希望各位同志能就我的问题与我讨论，让我站在劳动人民一边、同志们一边，成为一个真正的共产主义者。

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How long did you quit at that time, when did you fail to persist, and what were your thoughts back then? What kind of porn are you watching now? You mentioned it’s extreme—could it be something like torture or dismemberment? :anxious_face_with_sweat:

What were you thinking while reading? Surely not thinking about short videos again?

I think this is a fundamental issue, but it seems you haven’t clearly explained what the situation is. For example, why are you so focused on studying the eight-legged essays? Are you aiming to get into a more prestigious university? Also, how deep is your “single-mindedness”? In other words, how much time do you spend on this every day?

3

I quit for almost 10 days at that time, but I relapsed due to poor management of my desires. It wasn’t to the point of addiction, but since comrades say that pornography is an oppression of women, I turned to gay porn (not homosexuality!!!) when I hit a dead end. At first, I couldn’t accept it, but later I got used to it and found it hard to quit.

When reading theories, I always arrogantly think that compared to online leftists, you are already very advanced, holding a self-righteous and arrogant attitude.

Because I always believe that the revolutionary period should last at least about 10 years, I hide my counter-revolutionary actions with this psychological mindset (trying to get into a good university for middle school propaganda), and most of my time spent scrolling videos is dedicated to this.

4

Not managing desires well is just too much. This isn’t about desire itself, nor is it due to some physiological reasons. Mainly, it’s because of social reasons. Just like watching pornography isn’t considered a normal physiological activity, the same applies to masturbation. Moreover, gay pornography is too crazy, it violates natural laws, which in primitive communes would be punishable by death. Those who like to engage in homosexuality are morally very corrupt, viewing everything as a potential source of pornography, disregarding even physiological factors. If animals engaged in homosexuality, they would go extinct; of course, they only do this in very rare cases. But humans engaging in homosexuality or gay porn is purely due to their reactionary pornographic thoughts.
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Because I personally always hold the belief that the revolutionary period should last at least about 10 years to conceal my counter-revolutionary actions (aiming to get into a good university with middle-level propaganda). Most of my time spent on videos is dedicated to this.
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What university do you want to get into? In fact, the longer you stay in school and the longer you stay away from labor, the more deeply your thoughts are influenced by the bourgeoisie.

5

I also understand this point, but I don’t know how to control the desire to watch porn and masturbate. During those ten days, I basically endured it hard. Without experiencing ideological reform, I tried to find some substitutes (replacing heterosexual porn with homosexual porn), mistakenly thinking that this was not oppression of women. I will quit this wrong behavior and also stop this kind of homosexual tendency (not quite homosexuality), but I don’t know how to start from the ideological aspect. I plan to read Engels’ “The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State” to deepen ideological reform, but after flipping through a few pages, I found I couldn’t understand it.

I want to attend institutions similar to Marxist philosophy colleges, Jiangxi University (formerly the Communist Labor University). I admit this is a kind of opportunism.

6

Have you read the “Guide to Ideological Struggle”?

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Not yet watched

8

You can go take a look; it mentions how to conduct ideological struggle, and quitting masturbation and pornography also requires changing your mindset. Otherwise, no matter how many days you quit, you’ll still be enduring it.

9

Okay, I will print it out tomorrow to take a look.

10

Why do you need to print this? Is it because it’s sensitive and you can’t use a phone? Do you also print your other books?

11

If I admit it’s a speculative act, why still take the risk?

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My phone usually can’t be used; I can only use it at night (focused on) because I have a printer at home and didn’t think much about it. I still don’t have enough concealment. Most of the books are bought from Kongfz Old Book Network, with a small number printed.

13

Actually, you can get a phone, which would be more convenient.

14

I also have an extended thought in my mind about this reactionary behavior, wanting to engage in mental labor, but I feel that this would be unfaithful to the working class. I feel very conflicted internally. I need an ideological struggle here.

15

Okay, on my birthday, my family habitually gives me some money to buy myself a gift. During that time, I tried secretly buying a phone, which should be more convenient.

16

What does engaging in mental labor mean, and specifically what kind of labor is meant? Honestly, in simple terms, the difference between brain and body also varies greatly in capitalist society. And sorry, the phrase “working class” is a bit abstract.

17

To be precise, I know that spiritual labor and physical labor under capitalism are oppositional and contradictory. Spiritual labor is a privilege reserved for the ruling class or those inclined towards ruling class tendencies. It is reactionary and opportunistic to engage in such work, but at the same time, one thinks that this privilege is enjoyed through the oppression of the oppressed class. Therefore, this kind of thinking feels unworthy of the working class.

18

Mental labor is intellectual labor, it’s my somewhat opportunistic idea of sitting in the office and starting a revolution. Such thoughts are immature, naive, and reactionary.

19

So, in fact, this is the left circle ideology, believing that sitting in an office can also remotely control the revolution, wanting to parasitize without participating in revolutionary practice, and at the same time manipulate the revolution to make a profit.

20

I don’t understand the left circle, but indeed there is this residual in my thinking, and you are right. I speculate that I have participated less in social practice and had less contact with the masses.