When writing self-criticisms for myself, I always make harsh conclusions, putting a big bunch of labels on myself, thinking that saying things like “confused, your xxx behavior is harmful to the revolution” is enough. I do not specifically analyze how my lustful behavior, opportunistic behavior, lying behavior, etc., bring harm to the revolution. In the end, the self-criticism is full of big labels, with no effect at all, and everything remains the same. There is an element of not wanting to expose my own erroneous thoughts here, thinking that these “minor issues” do not affect my support for the overall direction of the revolution, so I am unwilling to do a detailed analysis of myself, thinking that writing some abstract words will be enough to “pass.”
Moreover, I deceive myself seriously, thinking that I have already let go of my discrimination against the proletariat, but when I really have to go to the factory to interact with workers, I worry about my parents’ views on this matter, thinking that doing this won’t lead to any success. My parents think that success means becoming a civil servant, teacher, etc., having a well-paid and effortless “iron rice bowl.” When I am lustful, I also think whether my previous decision to go to work in a factory after junior high school was too reckless, and I envy my sister’s monthly salary of over 8,000 as a history teacher. I still bow down to spontaneity, wanting to ride on the heads of the people and live a crazy lustful life. If I keep thinking like this, I estimate that I will soon be separated from the comrades. However, being punished by the teacher, used as free labor, being heavily pressured in opportunistic academic work, and the school’s high standards (attendance rate) all prevent me from fully immersing in lust. They tear apart the false peaceful escape from struggle that I painted for myself and expose the reality nakedly.
I am very conflicted. On one hand, I want lust; on the other hand, I want revolution. I am very attached to those bourgeois pure music (“daylight,” “Floating Light,” etc.) and rock (Wan Qing’s “Big Stone Breaks Chest” and Cao Dong’s “But,” etc.) as well as virtual vocalists (this jqr should be quite familiar, having seen his materials on Shanghai Heniang at People’s Square before). I also often fantasize about oppressing women, wanting to have a family slave, pursuing so-called “pure love,” etc.
Comrades, please offer any suggestions and criticisms. I welcome criticism; I don’t want to muddle through life anymore.
My current ideological state. I have a fever, and my mind is a bit confused, so I just copied the content from the post sharing the materials.

